Just couldn't wait to blog about it...

Well, I would have to say that this Halloween should have been called "Helloween".  Honestly, if I really look hard at it, I'm not sure what really has made it so awful, but I know this....I have cried about Dad a good majority of the day.  It all started this morning with a misunderstanding about the hayride, and it just went down hill from there.  Stephen and I fought most of the day because he was really really hungover and also because he was getting ready for his fishing trip, which made him less than helpful.  And really, he was somewhat helpful, but I'm really not sure that 8:30 on Halloween night is a great idea to leave for a vacation...just sayin.  So anyway, funny story I want to share with everyone...

As I told everyone before, I had made up my mind that I wasn't going on the hayride.  I knew I would be a mess, and I just couldn't do it.  My cousin Kristen had told me the other day that the idea was to have the kids dressed up and at Mom Mom's by 4.  So, we were there with the kids all dressed up and a few minutes to spare.  It was odd at first because no one was dressed up.  The kids were all eating pizza and enjoying desserts in Jenny's garage so we joined them!  Actually, it worked out really well because we were able to feed Gracen, etc.  Well, here is the "cool" part (well, I think it's cool).  When we got to Mom Mom's we found out that the hayride had encountered fatal errors when a tire blew about 2 minutes into the ride.  Everyone came back.  About 20 minutes later I found out that my brother and uncle were trying to get the tire fixed, but they weren't sure it was going to work.  Well, IT DID, and at 5:30 pm, me, Stephen and the kids were on the hayride.  Honestly...it's way too much of a coincidence for me....all of it.  I do believe that dad wanted us to be there, thus causing the chain of events that happened.  I have to admit that I sobbed like a baby the whole way around the farm and back.  Going past Mom and Dad's house, seeing all of his tractors, etc. was not something I could handle.  My aunts cried with me.  I have done nothing but cry ever since.  I am so exhausted from crying that I'm sure I will pass out before my head hits the pillow tonight.  Gracen is already asleep and God willing, Parker will be asleep before long.  The look on my brother's face on that hayride is something I'll never forget.  He stared at me, and I stared right back at him, and he looked so lost, so hurt, so angry. He told me he took some flowers to dad's grave and a bail of hay.  I haven't been to dad's grave since his funeral.  I'm not sure why.  Maybe it would make it all too real for me...not that it already isn't.

So, with all that said; here I sit---exhausted!  After Mom Mom's we had to run over to GGs house and then to Grandma Bean and Papa Phil's house.  Having family that lives so close is a blessing, but it sure is exhausting when you have children.  Every holiday you run from house to house trying to catch up with everyone.  I am actually glad today is over.  The kids had a blast though, and I have a pile of candy sitting in my living room.  I'm eating some NERDS as we speak.  Stephen has left for his fishing trip, and mom is on her way over here tonight.  Mom, I hope you read this because I can never thank you enough for staying over here with me.  I'm so happy not to have to drag the kids out.  It means a lot to me.  Thank you :). 

Here are some pictures...they are from Kristen.  I took some with dad's camera, but I let Stephen take it with him to NC.  I'll have to swipe some off of a relative's facebook.  Goodnight moon.  Goodnight blog.  Goodnight, Dad.