The Armsworthys of Clements---The Blogging Journey Begins

The Armsworthys of Clements

Well.............first of all, everyone will need to be really patient with me as I have no idea what I am doing. In addition, I have a 6 1/2 month old in my lap. Don't ask me why I'm trying to do this now. I'm a very impulsive person, and when I want to do something, I do it.

Why start a blog?

I have always been a writer at heart. I LOVE LOVE LOVE to write but have never had the time, nor the talent it seems. However, after reading blogs of some "Mommy friends" that I know, I thought I would give it a shot. Truth is, I'm a stay at home mom with a lot to say, plenty of funny stories to tell about my kids, and endless emotion about being a mom and being a daughter of a recently deceased dad whom I miss every day more and more. I'm anxious to learn this blogging thing as a way to give updates and pictures (if I can figure it out) about my kids, as well as vent some emotions.

Well, so far I have had to stop and start this several times because Gracen is potty training and we had a messy little accident (lovely).  In addition, I've had to squash a huge meltdown and finish feeding Sammy Parker the rest of his bottle. 

It's a nasty, rainy day here in Clements, MD.  I was able to get out to Target this morning to get some formula and necessities thanks to my awesome maternal grandma (GG).  Target truly was the most exciting part of my day.   The second most exciting part: watching Max and Ruby's Halloween DVD.  Parker is to the right of me in his Bumbo, and Gracen is above me on her bed....still sobbing silently from her latest meltdown.

I am REALLY wrestling with being a stay at home mom.  I stepped down from teaching this year due to my dad's illness.  The thought behind it was that my dad would live, and it would give us time to spend with him and time for me to help out.  Unfortunately, we know that wasn't the case.  

I really miss teaching.  I miss being in the classroom and the sense of accomplishment I would feel after a long day with my kiddos.  I miss the indepedence.  And of course, I miss my paycheck terribly.  I miss having my own money to spend whenever and wherever I want.  It's been quite the adjustment, and I'm still adjusting.  I'm adjusting to feeling less than human during the day as I stay in my sweats, no make-up on, and barely enough time for a 15 minute shower.  I absolutely love my job as mom, and my kids are at the coolest ages.  I enjoy every minute of being with them, but there is a conflict deep within me.  I want to be with them, but I want to be a "person" too. I know that sounds crazy.

Right now I'm trying to find any work I can that will allow me to be here with my kids and allow me to earn a little extra as well.  I'm putting the all-call out for tutoring and thinking about taking in before and after school kids.  I'm also looking for a job in medical transcripition, which I took classes for back in the fall and spring so I could work from home.  No such luck yet though. 

The death of my dad...Poppy...has left me with more questions than answers.  The once, overly zealous religion teacher has now become a woman who doesn't know what she thinks.  Yes, I believe in God, Jesus, Mary, etc.  I'm just not sure what kind of role they play in my life.  I've spent hours wondering why my dad didn't "deserve" a miracle and why he left us so young at the age of 56.  I cry for my kids who lost their Poppy.  I think about him all day, every day, and it seems to get harder instead of easier.  I want to know why the prayers of my family weren't answered......why the sacrifices they (we) made weren't good enough.  I want to pray, but I'm afraid of believing again....trusting...only to be let down.   And with that being said, Gracen grabs me around the neck and hugs me tightly.  Ahhhh, kids.  :)

And so begins what I hope is the start of many posts from me.  Parker is in his "Johnny Jump-Up" and Gracen is enthralled with Max and Ruby.  I'm anxious to see what this journey has in store for me.  I hope I can let go enough to let it lead.