Gracen had another major anxiety meltdown today, and it's beginning to worry me a little. Her emotions are so out of control that once she starts, it's hard to get her to stop. Now, I will say that this time change has completely thrown her for a loop. She was awake at ten minutes to six this morning and by the time the meltdown happened, it was nearly 2 o'clock. She was clearly overtired. Mom bought her an adorable Rudolph mechanical thingy from True Value that she said Gracen loved and hugged all over in the store (hence why she bought it for her). When they got back to my house, mom took it out of the box, and my kid went crazy. I have to admit, the fact that it was in a couple of pieces and you literally had to put Rudolph's head on, was a little freaky, but this kid was over the top. I find that she often acts like this around my mother and grandmother (who was also present), but whatever it was or why she did it...once she started, she couldn't stop. When she finally did fall asleep around 2:30, she woke up 30 minutes later in the same panic. It took me another 45 minutes to get her to calm down. In the meantime, she woke Parker up by screaming and crying. And well...that obviously didn't make me very happy.
I find it hard to have patience with her when she acts like this, BUT, I was the same exact way when I was younger. I would cry and scream and shake uncontrollably. I hated mannequins, clowns, you name it. I always wondered if maybe mom hadn't coddled me so much if I would've been less afraid of my own shadow growing up. I want Gracen to feel loved and protected, but I do not want her growing up like me----scared of everything. I don't understand why I'm not more compassionate when she acts like that. Growing up with that uncontrollable anxiety and fear is the worst feeling ever, and I wouldn't wish it on my enemy. Now, as she sleeps so sweetly in her bed, I want to bring her into mine and hold her all night. She fell asleep in my arms tonight in the rocking chair....just like she did when she was little.
I'm going outlet shopping tomorrow, and she is staying with grandma and Parker is staying with his favorite aunt. Does it sound silly that I'm feeling a little upset about leaving my kids for a day? REALLY? Snap out of it, Shannon! It must be the night. I'll feel differently tomorrow. I cannot wait to hit up the outlets with my mom and friend Julie and my family. I really need the retail therapy.
Well, it's off to bed now...checking on my babies first. Nite all :).
2 comments:
I completely understand it when you say you don't feel compassionate when she acts like you do. Sam and I always seem to be arguing, etc, and I get so frustrated with him. Autism aside, we are really a alike!
Have you talked to the doctor about it?
And I remember your anxiety attacks with thunderstorms ;)
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