What came first, the chicken or the egg? It can apply to so many things in my life right now. What a confusing and terrifying question if you think about it: no beginning and no end, no solution. I want to confess so many things, and I can't. I could shout to the top of my lungs and still not be heard. And no, I didn't break any of the Commandments or do anything sinful.
Maybe it's a midlife at the age of 31? Maybe it's my battle with religion and reality? Maybe it's not having a job? Maybe it's.....well, maybe it's all of the above and more. OR, maybe it's just the day.
Per the suggestion of many, I have begun reading, The Shack. It is most definitely intriguing, but I'm undecided about my feelings on it. I'm almost done and intend on reading the rest tonight. Deep, it surely is... and confusing in areas. BUT, it is hard to put down and that's what it is all about, right? It's definitely made me think a bit. Honestly, I dove into this book hoping that it would give me hope back. I was looking forward to having a huge revelation at the end of it. I was hoping to feel my old self again in terms of religion. I was/am looking for an answer. I'm not sure I'll get that, but I'm going to try. I just want some answers. I am disappointed in myself...in my lack of faith....in my lack of belief of the Divine. Okay, maybe not belief....I know He exists...how about trust? Yes, that's a better word. I never thought I would become a person whom I barely recognize.
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