Three purples and one pink.

Happy first Sunday in Advent, everyone! 

I would like to first, shamefully admit that I did a horrible job of celebrating the first Sunday in Advent.  I didn't make it to mass because my husband was working, and I cannot take my two children....or rather, I will not take my two children by myself.  I spent most of the weekend, including today, doing Christmas shopping...totally against the "rules" of Advent when we are supposed to be anxiously awaiting the birth of Jesus Christ.  My husband and I fought...and I mean FOUGHT...all day long (about money again...go figure), and my day was really centered around the fact that my kids were going to see Santa this evening at the Hollwood Firehouse.  So really, who's a horrible Catholic Christian?  Me! 

Not teaching this year, I will really miss my annual morning work of "Grab a green piece of paper, trace your hand, cut it out, and put your name on the back of it!" These "hands" would become my bulletin board Advent wreath, followed by 4 beautifully made construction paper candles, complete with a construction paper flame for each one. Such a simple assignment and yet someone always ended up cutting theirs to shreds or putting their name on the wrong side (haha).  I will miss all the holiday activities leading up until the Friday of Christmas break....the Christmas, St. Nick, and Advent DVDs for religion class, the chorus concert and 8th grade play, the class parties....ugh, so sad!  I will REALLY miss the lighting of the Advent wreath at school every Monday morning, followed by placing the ornaments on the Jesse tree. The Jesse tree tells the story of Jesus's ancestors and reveals much about God and prominent stories/symbols from the Old Testament. 

So, as I was saying....Advent....4 weeks leading up until December 25th, when we celebrate the birth of Christ the King.  Advent is a time of preparation as we wait anxiously in anticipation.  In recent years, my religion book for my students often dedicated the first two weeks of Advent to thinking about Jesus's coming again as the Messiah and then the last two weeks as preparation for his birth.  I have to be honest and admit that I never quite understood it, but I went with it. Our church offers a "Little Blue Book" during Advent, and I always loved starting off each religion class with that book.  It always had a fun little fact for the day and a great Bible passage (along with interpretation/explanation) to go along with it.  I'll have to pick one up for my own reading enjoyment this year. 

People have varying ideas about what each candle represents on the Advent wreath.  They differ only slightly, but the first 2 candles that are lit, are purple.  They represent Hope and Peace.  The next candle is pink (3rd week), and this candle represents Joy as we are nearing the birth of Jesus.  Lastly, the 4th candle is also purple and represents Love.  I have even seen a white candle in the center of the Advent wreath, to be lit on Christmas for Christ's birth.  It is white because Jesus is pure and clean and the light of the world.  The advent wreath itself is made from evergreens and formed in a circle, signifying Christ's never ending love (circle)...a love that never dies (evergreens).  

On a slightly different tangent, I saw something in Target today that really made me stop and think.  Here it is....

Let's play, "Name What's Wrong With This Picture".  The box says Advent Calendars, but the calendars it contains say, Dear Santa, Only a Few Days Left!  This amused me at first and shocked me a little, but the more I thought about it, the more I thought HOW WRONG!  First of all, I LOVE the people who celebrate Christmas but don't believe in Jesus. Seriously, look right there:  CHRISTmas.  Personally, I really feel like this picture represents something similar to me lighting an Advent wreath and saying, Happy Hannukah or Happy Kwanzaa!  It's just wrong, and it doesn't make any sense.  Santa has NOTHING to do with Advent.  And please don't go thinking I'm all hoity toity about everything because no one is more guilty than I am of going completely overboard with Santa...but seriously Target...let's try a little harder, okay?  I'm sure I could make a big stink about it if I wanted to be all politically correct and what not, and maybe I should call it to their attention, but I'm voicing it on here for now. 

So, after a little shopping on Black Friday, Stephen and I took the kids to see Santa light the tree in Leonardtown.  I love this night, and the kids had a blast.  Gracen danced the night away and anxiously waved to Santa on the firetruck and yelled loudly as he lit the tree.  She did the same tonight at the Hollywood Firehouse, only this time she had the opportunity to sit on Santa's lap.  Um..........what a disaster!  Shaking and crying, I took her up there.  She buried her head and wouldn't say a word.  Samuel Parker, laid back as he is, just looked around in amazement.  Santa could be his homeboy any day.  I'll post pictures when I get some from the family....great night but exhausting! 

Lastly, I would like to say how terribly I missed my dad tonight.  He loved watching the kids see Santa.  In fact, he used to dress as Santa for the family and loved every last minute of it.  Christmas is going to be really rough this year...and every year.  Every year, Hospice has a tree lighting ceremony and you can purchase Christmas ornaments for $25 with a loved one's name written on them.  My aunts purchased a few.  All I have to say is this:  If you see someone's name on a Christmas ornament without a "Baby's First Christmas" next to it, it's probably not a good sign.  Seeing the picture of this ornament really hit me hard, and I'm not sure why.  The reality set in a long time ago. 

Pictures from Christmas in the Square....

We did it!

I swear, everytime I say that all I can hear is Dora...WE DID IT, WE DID IT, WE DID IT, YEA!  lol

Anyway, we did it.  We all "survived" our first Thanksgiving without dad.  I can only speak for myself when I say that I had a total of about 3 private meltdowns.  One of them came after grace today at my grandmother's house.  No one would begin so I bent over and helped Gracen begin to say it.  When it was all quiet at the end, she pipes up....KISS POPPY.  Really, she says...KISS POPPY.  I have no idea what that means, but it was clear as day and quite obvious who she was talking about.  I'm telling ya...out of the mouths of babes.  Several of us all had a quiet meltdown, but it was so nice to know that he is still with us.  I know he is and so does Gracen....just ask her.  Later this evening we arrived at my aunt's house where half were watching the UGLY Dallas game (darn it) and the other half were in the kichen drinking wine and margaritas and eating nachos and yet more were downstairs playing.  And as I glanced around at all of my dad's kin, I realized; life really does go on.  And it was never more obvious to me than today.  Dad's presence was ever felt, and he was on everyone's mind, but there is no stopping time.  There is no stopping the sound of children laughing or Samuel Parker squealing or the loudness of all my dad's sisters---hahaha.  Love you all and thank GOD for you!

And so, after a very successful Santa shopping excursion last night, I look forward with great excitement to BLACK FRIDAY.  I will not be out early, unfortunately, but I will be out at some point...with or without the kids.  So the double stroller is revved up and ready to go, but if I don't need it and SOMEONE (ANYONE) wants to come and watch my kids, I won't be disappointed.  lol

Of course this blog would not be complete without a "thankful" list....which, I'm sorry, but they are so overrated.  And by that I just mean that one day is simply not enough to give thanks.  It's not enough for anyone.  I need to make a more conscious effort to give thanks EVERYDAY.  But, as I sit on my nice warm bed, I know that I have so much to be thankful for.  I am thankful that at the age of 31, every one of my dreams has come true.  I became a wife almost 4 years ago and had the most beautiful wedding ever.  I had a wonderful dad to walk me down the aisle---who is now a special guardian angel to all of us.  I have a great husband, despite all of our issues.  I have two beautiful, healthy, and bright children who are my world.  I have a roof over my head and heat in my house.  I have some change in my pocket to give my kids a good Christmas.  I have a circle of friends that keeps growing.  I have a wonderful mother, wonderful grandparents.....aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.  I really do have the best family in the world. I have the ability and the knowledge to read and write this blog to you even as we speak.  Basically, I have it all, and I need to see it that way more often.

So, it's 10:38 right now, and I better read my sale papers and hit the hay if I want to catch any deals tomorrow!  Nite everyone and HAPPY THANKSGIVING. 

This is what thankful looks like....



As it draws near....

Sadly enough, perhaps nothing excites me more than the 3 days surrounding Thanksgiving.  Tonight I will make my way up to the "dorf" to go shopping with my aunt at Toys R Us and the mall.  TOMORROW night, I may even find myself doing some shopping.  A lot of stores are opening at midnight and Toys R Us is opening at 10. You would NOT BELIEVE the bargains they are having!  And of course there's....DUN, DUN, DUN....Black Friday!  Oh Black Friday...how I love thee...let me count the ways!  Oh wait, did I mention Cyber Monday?

My inbox to both my hotmail and metrocast e-mail is filled to the brim every morning when I awake----tons of retailers offering me their "Very Best Sale of the Year"!  And yes, it's suckers like myself who will look long and hard at every single one, hemming and hawwing about whether I should take the leap and buy now or wait closer to Christmas.  Either way, I'm pretty hyped up about it all.  Gracen is at such a fun age and now and even Parker....loves everything, and I know he'll get a huge kick out of Christmas.

And with all that said, no, I haven't forgotten about Thanksgiving.  How can I?  I've been dreading it for months now.  For the past week, despite my best efforts, I've been waking up early in the morning, anxiety ridden.  All I can think about is dad, and all I can see are his last few, terrifying moments here on earth.  Horrible, I know.  I'm not sure what it's all about or why it's happening.  It's just, well, UGH.  I think what's tortured me more than dad's actual death, is the way he spent his last couple of months and his last couple of hours here on earth.  But, enough about that.....onto being thankful!

I am going to make a conscious effort, starting NOW,  to turn everything into thankfulness.  My first step...I am thankful  (as I'm sure others are) for the nice, hot shower I'm about to take.  Albeit, it'll be with the door open and constantly peeking my head out to check on Gracen, but nonetheless, thankful for it.  I will save my REALLY thankful blog for tomorrow (when I'm getting all those great deals---hahahaha).  Happy day before Thanksgiving everyone!

Happy 8 months, Sammy Parker!

March 22, 2010--- I woke up around midnight, thinking maybe I had peed my pants!  A little perplexed, but I went back to bed.  Got up 20 minutes later and had the same thing happened.  I thought MAYBE my water had broken, but I wasn't quite sure.  We called Dr. Polko and off to St. Mary's we went.  Grandma Bean came up to be with Gracen.  It's a good thing too because they kept me.  My water had broken!

My water breaking didn't induce my labor so they gave me pitocin.  After upping the dosage three times, I decided I couldn't stand it anymore and asked for my epidural.  It only took on one side, and I was in excruciating pain on my right side until THANK GOODNESS, the anesthesiologist came back in and doped me up again.  It wasn't long after that, that my little Samuel Parker Armsworthy was born at 9:32 am.  He weighed about 7 lb even and was only 19 inches long....so tiny! 

My husband and I had a hard time picking out Parker's name.  I had a really strong feeling that I wanted to use my dad's name somewhere in Parker's name...I guess now I know why.  I wanted it to be Parker Samuel, but Stephen insisted on Samuel Parker, and I like that a lot better now.  I love to call him Sammy Parker.  He has been an absolute joy his entire 8 months here on earth (minus about a month when he wouldn't sleep and was super gassy).  To say that Parker has been everyone's light since July 16th (when we found out dad was sick) is an understatement.  Gracen has been wonderful too, but there is something about the love and joy of a little baby.  Gracen had 2 wonderful years with dad.  They did so much together.  Most of Parker's time with dad was spent sitting or sleeping in his hospital bed with him.  It sounds so dismal, but when I look back on it I realize how God's timing is so perfect.  I know without a doubt that Samuel Parker provided so much joy and love to my dad during those sad months in the hospital...and right up to his death.  Dad loved Gracen like no other, but I think her visits left him with a sadness...that he couldn't get down and play with her or hold her like he could when he was well.  Parker's visits were just perfect...he wasn't mobile, and neither was dad. So while Gracen had a great two years with dad, Parker had the last two months of his life.  And when I look back on it all, I am thankful that dad was able to see a baby boy with his namesake and one that brought him much joy and happiness in a dismal hospital room. 

Samuel Parker is movin' and groovin' these days.  He can sit up well, but refuses to because he always wants to move into the crawling position. Only problem is---he can't crawl!  He loves to stand, but he can't stand on his own.  He is a sweet and handsome little boy who is growing leaps and bounds everyday.  I can't believe he'll be a year old in 4 short months.  He LOVES Mickey Mouse and chuckles loudly at him.  He will smile at anyone who gives him a look. He has beautiful blue eyes, blonde "fuzzy" hair, and dimples.  He weighs almost 20 lbs with huge "hamhocks" for legs----my grandfather attributes those to his daddy (Stephen).  He will ride anywhere in the car without crying (which some of you may know as a parent, is a HUGE deal).  He has one little tooth that has come through and another one on the way. He does not want to WATCH you eat, but will rather dive at your plate instead.  That's where the PUFFS come in, which he absolutely loves.  He's a pretty good sleeper, for which I am thankful. 

I cannot tell you the way Parker....well, the way both of my children have touched my life during this very difficult time.  I am so grateful and blessed.  I love you, my sweet and handsome little Sammy Parker!



'Tis the season...

97.1 started playing their Christmas music on Friday.  I was a little confused at first about how I felt about it all.  Now, I'm cool with it.

You know, my kids are playing nicely in the floor, and I should be sweeping, but I've had such a rapid flurry of thoughts over the past couple of days, that I wanted to put fingers to keyboard.  And deep thoughts naturally equal that I've been thinking about dad.  Sorry, readers.  But, hey, this one might be a little more insightful and not so bad so keep reading.

Everytime I have gotten excited about this holiday season---from Santa shopping, to watching movies with the kids, I immediately have a sad feeling come over. Of course, it's then I remember that dad is gone.  But lately, I've tried hard to combat that feeling.  Because when I think about it, what is that SAD feeling really going to do for me and my family.?  The answer:  absolutely nothing. 
I really believe that often when people remember deceased loved ones (especially during the holiday season), we automatically think we have to remember them with sadness.  It's a given that the minute you start talking about grandma or grandpa or mom or dad that have left this world, that our eyes turn downward and we give a deep sigh.  In fact, I would even go so far as to say that people sometimes think if you don't remember them with sadness then you don't remember them at all.  I mean, I have even found myself feeling guilty about being happy about Christmas.  In fact, it happened just this morning when I was in the car listening to Christmas music.  I was happy, singing along, and then BAM.  My mood immediately changed.  I actually felt guilty about being so happy.  Yes, my dad is gone, and it is sad, but I have a choice every single day when I get up:  I can be happy or I can be sad.  Just because I make a choice to be happy, does not mean that I have forgotten about dad or am any less sad.  It doesn't mean that I don't have my moments of weeping throughout the day or at night when I go to bed.  But, it's OK to be happy.  It's okay to let that in.  Sometimes it's a little easier said than done, but it really is a choice.  Christmas Eve and Christmas Day will be a sad one for all of us.  In fact, I'm pretty much dreading all of it; especially Christmas Day when we go to my paternal grandparents house as we do every year.  It's a very small house, and I imagine that there will be a great sadness looming over all of it, along with some tears.  Did I mention I was DREADING it?  Anyway, I hope that somehow, we can all find the strength to hold it together and be happy for all the Christmases we did have with dad and remember, above all, that he is happy now and not in pain anymore.  And you know what?  I actually feel my dad around me more than ever these days.  I look all around my house, and there isn't one thing in here that he hasn't touched; from the bookshelves in Gracen's room, to the fence outside my basement stairs, to the window sills in my bedroom.  He's everywhere.  I KNOW he is, and that brings me great comfort.  This year, one of dad's hats will be our tree topper, and I don't care how redneck that is.  I recently had a beautiful BW picture hung in each of my kids' rooms.....one is of Gracen and dad in the garden and the other is of dad holding Samuel Parker as he slept in his hospital bed.  My dad is watching over my kids, always....just not in the way I want him to.  He's watching over all of us.  In addition, dad is great at getting prayers answered more rapidly and speedily.  It's amazing how quickly I can send prayers up and how quickly I get a response these days.

My mom said she won't put up a tree this year.  And I have to ask, Will that make her any less sad?  No, probably not.  Dad wouldn't want it to be that way either.  He would want us all to be happy and carry on because he surely is.  So, I hope she puts one up...for her sake and her grandchildren.  If I avoided everything that reminded me of dad or that dad built, I wouldn't even be able to live in my own house.  And as I said before, these things are all easier said than done, but when looked at closely, are the biggest and truest cliches you will ever find. 

So I am hoping this blog a) helps me to really believe what I'm writing and stay true to it and b) might help someone else out there. 

And one last thought, I'm happy for my Aunt Karen.  She has her brother to spend Christmas with this year. 



A new resolve...

I woke up yesterday morning with a new resolve...I was going to cook dinner!  In the 3 1/2 years I've been married, I have only cooked for my husband twice... and it wasn't pretty and had very little effort involved.  Stephen has always cooked and always loved to cook because, well, he loves to eat.  However, he has often voiced his discontent at the fact that I don't cook....or really refuse to....until now.

My first dish was shrimp scampi over pasta.  And you know what?  It wasn't too bad!  My husband even liked it, and he is SUPER picky.  And trust me, he would either say nothing or definitely tell me if it was awful.  My second dish, which was this evening, was 3 cheese lasagna. Not as good but still good enough for all of us to eat and my hubby to take some leftovers for lunch tomorrow.  I'm pretty proud of myself!

Stephen and I have had our fair share of disagreements and woes lately and so I decided that I would step it up a notch.  We're always complaining about how the other one either doesn't listen or doesn't change or just "doesn't" get it.  So, I thought I would be the first to start.  And the result?  Surprisingly good.  We had a great night and my husband was more pleasant than ever.  Truly proving the phrase that, "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach."  Then again, I guess I always knew that about Stephen.

On another note, I'm having some pretty anxiety ridden days lately.  The money I make in tutoring is just not cutting it for income for me (I only have one client).  I do have a possible position opening up for me in the near future which would require working two days a week, for 10 hours a day.  Really, I would prefer to do it that way and don't mind the long days.  It's leaving my kids (and getting them to a sitter) that I do mind and that makes me extremely nervous.  You know, it's funny how last year when I was working (and before that), I would have no problem getting up, leaving them, and going to work.  It's different now for some reason.  Maybe it's the enormous amount of time I have spent with them since June 12th or so. OR maybe it's the fact that my mom won't watch them (what a completely awesome thing that was).  I really wish I knew of a REALLY reliable college student or friend that would watch them two days a week at my home.  Better yet, I REALLY wish that I would get a response back to what seems like millions of e-mails I have sent out responding to job postings for medical transcriptionists.  I am so frustrated.  I can't seem to land one, and I'm perfectly qualified.  And then, on the other hand, if I could get a total of 3 or 4 more children to tutor, I wouldn't be worried about finding a job at all. 

I can't say that we are dirt poor right now.  We are making the bills and Christmas is almost covered.  It's just hard....REALLY hard.  I felt bad about getting my hair cut last night, and I haven't had it cut in two months.  We're supposed to get our Christmas pictures taken on the 29th, and I'm trying to figure out where that money is going to come from.  Having to ask your spouse for money just plain sucks.  Especially when he is Ebonezer incarnate.  I would do anything to have my own paycheck again; to go to Target and buy what I need without batting an eye.  This is miserable, but I have to constantly remind myself that I sit here with a roof over my head, listening to the heat running.  A part-time job would give me just the right amount of money I need and still allow me to stay home with the kids.  And then oh wait, there's the cost of daycare.  I can't win. 

I'm sorry if this rant has seemed like a rant...or maybe even a whine.  I am just so completely stressed out about it all that no words could even begin to describe it.  I'm going to bed and praying to my dad for some help on the matter.  I have to say, he gets the job done pretty quickly most of the time.  Nite all.

Ever working America

Every year around the holiday season, I take note of the signs that start to pop up around businesses..."Open 5 am to 3 pm on Thanksgiving Day!"  I understand this has been going on for years, but it seems that every year, one more business begins doing the "open on Christmas" or "open on Thanksgiving Day" thing.  Am I the only one appalled by this?  Well, maybe appalled is too strong of a word, but I find this to be a serious problem.  Just a thought, but will the whole world go into an economic crisis if McDonald's or Wendys is not open on Thanksgiving Day?  How about McKays?  I understand that making the almighty dollar is important for survival in today's world, but what about family, friends, and memories?  Yes, I understand that those employees probably get holiday pay and overtime for working those days, but I feel badly for them.  Once again...it's part of what I believe is the problem with today's society:  too much emphasis on the wrong things in life.  I would love to see EVERYTHING shut down on important holidays (minus the essentials like the hospital and such).  Need gas?  Get it the day before!  Now there's a thought!  Plan ahead!  I don't know...this has something that has bothered me every year, but now I get to blog about it :).  What if we all just took a break?!  Wouldn't that be something!

So long, Backyardigans table

I spent most of the morning cleaning.  What else is new, right?   I can't stand clutter, and my house is a magnet for it.  I have roughly 1100 square feet of living space which just doesn't seem like enough.  I emptied out the kids'  toybox this morning and threw away some things; others I placed in a yardsale tub and the remainder I kept for Parker.  The toybox is not in his room as opposed to the end of my hallway, and I feel good about my accomplishment.  And yet, I don't feel GOOD ENOUGH.

The Backyardigans table is about to make its trip downstairs to the basement.  I do not want to sell it because it was/is a big part of Gracen's childhood, but she no longer uses it, and it's taking up space in my house!  I tried to explain to Gracen today, that if she wanted Santa to bring her new toys, we'd have to get rid of some old ones.  I'm not sure how I expected this to go over, but it didn't go over well.  She took one look at the empty space and said, "I don't have any toys!"  Brat.  Just kidding, but I was disappointed that not even a small part of her "got it".  Although, I will say later, that I heard her mumbling something to herself about giving toys to other kids.  I want my kids to grow up, knowing that they are fortunate and trying to help those that are not. 

Every holiday season, while working at St. John's, I made it a special point to get my students involved with the nursing home or raising money for our needy family through helping hands. This year, I feel lost.  I really want to do something meaningful with my children (particularly Gracen), but I'm not sure what.  Teaching was kind of my "vehicle" to do things such as that, but I'm not sure how to go about it this year.  Any ideas would be helpful.

I would like to do something hands on...soup kitchen, wrapping toys, etc.  It's too simple to take money and purchase toys and then dump them in the Marine Corp. Toys for Tots bin.  I can't imagine what would happen if every one in America (heck, the world) would promise to do one kind deed this holiday season...something that required their time and maybe even their money too.  I've been so busy making lists and checking them twice; going downstairs to count how many presents each kid has from Santa so far.  We obviously know that this isn't what Christmas is all about, but it easily becomes that every year.  My mom and dad raised me in such a way that I understand and have always understood that there are those less fortunate, and I want to reach out to them.  I remember when I was younger, thinking how "cool" it would be to adopt a needy family for Christmas.  Like, for real, take them in...let them spend Christmas with us, buy them gifts, etc.  I'm even sure that I proposed it to my parents.  Oh if it were only that simple!  Unfortunately, you can't do that in today's society because there are CRAZY people out there!  Anyway, whatever mom and dad did, I really feel like they did a great job of instilling that desire in me to help others.  I hope I can give the same thing to my children, and I worry that sometimes I am not headed in the right direction. 

Lastly, this morning I awoke to BREAKING NEWS from London. I began to panic that something had really gone wrong.  Was it a bomb?  Terrorism?  No, Prince William got engaged!  Are you kidding me, people?  THAT is breaking news?  Yes, Princess Di seemed to be a wonderful person and her kids are great, but REALLY?  I do not think that an engaged couple, who have EVERYTHING in the world, could or should be BREAKING NEWS.  I am serious when I say that's definitely one thing wrong with our society.  We put emphasis on the absolute wrong things in life.  Then again, I guess I am guilty of that myself, but I can't get on tv and influence millions of others with it. 

Ok, okay...the rant is over!  Parker seems to be stirring, and I am tutoring this afternoon--yay!  Remember...looking for ways to make a difference so bring 'em!  I can't wait to hear your suggestions!

"My a baby duckling."

Meet Gracen.  She greets me several times a day as a new creature/character.  This morning she was a baby duckling.  Other days she might be a kitten, baby puppy (yes, BABY puppy), baby elephant, or even Pirate Pablo (which leaves me being Pirate Uniqua---Backyardigans).  My personal favorite was the other day when I was Mr. Lopart and she was Fluffy (Handy Manny). 

Gracen will be 3 on December 28th.  I can hardly believe it.  Even though I wanted to get pregnant right away once married, Gracen wasn't exactly planned.  I was so excited when I found out I was pregnant...and then when we found out it was a girl!  I always say that God knew I had to wait so long to get married and have babies that he blessed me right away with two healthy and beautiful children. 

I went into labor on the 27th of December with Gracen and arrived at the hospital at 7:45 pm.  She was born at 4:37 am the next morning, weighing 7 pounds, 9 ounces and 20 1/2 inches long.  I wouldn't say my labor was painful at all.  I did puke repeatedly and my blood pressure dropped very low, but I would do it all over again and did, with Parker (although his was a LITTLE easier in some ways).  I remember how badly I wanted that little girl to come BEFORE Christmas so I could dress her up and take her out.  She had her own ideas though...and has ever since.

When Gracen was younger, she screamed so badly that her dr. diagnosed her with acid reflux (who isn't these days).  We even took her for an upper GI---nothing. Oh yeah, we took her to UMD too.  They upped her zantac but that was all.  I remember nights of rocking in the chair with her, crying...both of us.  She finally grew out of it about the age of  6 months or so, but she never took good naps.  Actually, she slept through the night from age 3 months on, but good naps would not come until she was over a year old when I could start giving her one a day.  She didn't walk until 16 months and didn't talk until Parker was born----so almost 2 1/2.  I guess she figured she needed to step it up a bit.  Now, at 34 months, she is a thriving, almost 3 year old.  Disspelling all the fears I had about her from early on---her colic to her delayed rate in accomplishing "kid" goals.  Looking back on it, I don't think there was anything wrong with her except that she was a gassy baby with a disagreeable personality--haha.  I love her just the same of course, but feel like an idiot---first time parents---geesh!

Gracen is 34 months and an absolute joy.  She is much like her mother---overly dramatic with strong convictions, little room for error, and sometimes anxiety ridden.  But she is passionate about things, and I am trying to teach her to gear them toward the "right" things. She is a bit "scaredy," and Lord knows I don't want her growing up like me....afraid of my own shadow.  I am doing my best to expose her to a variety of things and "make" her ride them out to show her that it's okay to be afraid but some things are just pretend.  She is still a HUGE fan of the Backyardigans and LOVES to sing and dance, which she gets from her Grandma Bean (Stephen's mom).  In addition, she is definitely her Poppy's granddaughter (my dad) as she loves any type of gadgets and tools (power drills, tape measures, etc.).  She loves to see how things work and move.  She is very sweet and likes to pray at night and talk about Jesus and Mary (particularly BABY Jesus).  It amazes me how she can remember the words and rhythm and melody to any song within a matter of minutes of listening to it.  In addition, she can count, say her ABCs, recognize letters and some shapes, all of her colors AND spell her name. Gracen LOVES to cook and bake with her daddy too. She is a sweet big sister...although a bit bossy sometimes!

Gracen never ceases to amaze me with the hilarious things that come out of her mouth.  Some of them are:

• "That's a GREAT idea, Mommy!"
• "Hmmm, wet's (let's) see."  She does this with finger to chin---just like her Grandma Bean.
• "Mom, you order that for me, please."  (How does she know about ordering?)
• In response to a question, I love when she says, "Ummmmmmmm, nope."
• I'm also loving the new one, "Ohhhh, maybe not."
• Everything nowadays is, "Mom, Santa bring me that?"---Santa must be a millionaire.
• "Mom, can we go to Auntdonald's and get vuggets and fries."  I'm a bad mom.  She likes to go to MCDonalds and get nuggets and fries.  I think she calls it Auntdonald's because she has an Aunt Donna.  haha
• The other day in the car she asked if she could get a robot at Target. I told her not today but Santa might bring it.  She told me with great certainty, "No, Grammy get it for me."  She knows how to work the system already.
• "Oh crap."  I know it's not funny, but to hear her say it is.
• "Sowwy, Mom."
• "It's ok, Mom. It's just an accent (accident)."  This is normally in reference to not making it to the potty in time.
• When she gets upset, it's "Oh my, oh dear, oh GOSH."
• I love to hear her say, "What's da matter, Mommy?"
• "It's ok, Park.  Hold my hand."  This is normally after she scares him in some sort of way.
• My personal favorite lately is, "What you think it's going to be, Mommy?"  That's in response to me telling her that the Backyardigans are coming on. 

The list could go on, and it probably will when I think of more.  What a silly, beautiful, sweet, loving, energetic, and DRAMATIC little girl I have.  Mommy loves you, Gracen!



You've lost that loving feeling...

I'm trying with all my might to get back that warm and cozy feeling I used to get 'round this time of year.  I remember, people at school would get so mad with me as they would walk by my classroom in the morning and hear Christmas music in mid-October.  I was always getting in trouble for decorating too early or for not adhering to the fact that I had to at least wait for Advent to start.  Nope, not me.  I loved the Christmas season so much that I couldn't wait for that first cool morning so I could pop in my Josh Groban CD and sing away.  Not this year.

Now, I can't say that I'm totally dreading the holiday season or not the least bit into it because I would be lying. I have had small moments of joy here and there as I have done my Santa shopping for the kids or like on Thursday when I did outlet shopping with the family.  It's just really bothering me that I don't have that wonderful feeling that I normally get.  I'm too sad.  Everytime I get a glimmer of happiness, it is crushed by the great sadness of dad not being here.  I'm not sad for me.  I'm sad for my kids. He will miss Gracen's 3rd Christmas, and he never got to see Parker's first. 

One of the things I've struggled with the most over the past few weeks is my inability to get back to my religion again.  I really feel like one of the main reasons I was meant to step down from my job this year is that there would be no way I could go into a classroom and teach religion with my whole heart into it.  I would welcome any input here as I have no idea why or what I'm feeling.  I still believe in everything my Catholic religion teaches me.  Do I believe in Jesus and Mary...the Holy Trinity...that he died on the cross?  Yes.  And I'm not outwardly upset with the Divine at all.  I'm not angry (my brother on the other hand...yes).  It's just that, well, for instance:  I bought Gracen the Wiggles Christmas DVD.  I love how it really incorporates songs like Silent Night and Away in a Manger into it to teach about the true meaning of Christmas.  I LOVE these songs, and yet, when I heard them the other day...they didn't mean anything to me like they used to.  I feel awful for saying that, but it was almost like I didn't want to hear them.  I wanted to block them out or something.  Just like when I go to pray at night.  I just don't want to. The minute I open up my mind and mouth to talk to God, something shuts me off.  It's a very weird feeling.  I guess I almost feel a little betrayed or something.  I don't know. I don't want to put my trust back into something/someone that I feel has really let me down.  It's like a friendship that has gone bad.  And then I go back, and I think, Shannon, you aren't that special.  People lose loved ones every day but don't lose their faith.  I guess it goes back to my mom and how much she has dedicated her life to Christ and serving him.  You'd have to read her books to fully understand, but if my mom couldn't get a miracle for us, then who can get a miracle?  How is that chosen?  I'm just so hurt, and yes, I am angry...not a rage kind of angry, but I'm angry.  And lately I've been feeling guilty for not going to church.  I have not set foot in a church since my dad's funeral.  Why am I feeling guilty?  I don't know.  That's my only answer to anything.  And yet, I know that if God forbid, one of my children were to be ill or sick then I would be begging God for mercy, and I HATE hypocrits.  Just like I'm sure we'll go to church on Christmas Eve/Day, and I don't want to be one of those holiday Catholics that I cringe just looking at.  But I'm just not ready.  I hope that one day I will be again.  I don't want to do a disservice to my children.  They need to be in church and raised in a Christ-like environment. 

So, if you are reading this....pray for me please.  I cannot pray for myself.


On another note, I have decided to seriously look for a part-time job.  Things are too tight around here and it's really stressful on everyone.  My husband works 7 days a week and "extras" cause fights.  I need to get out anyway, put on some make-up, and make some money.  In addition, I'm hoping it'll take my mind off things.  Missing dad + no job and no money = one unhappy and depressed momma!

Happy Veteran's Day

To all soldiers....past, present, and future (my brother, cousin, grandfather, and uncles included)...

THANK YOU

In Flanders Fields
By: Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae, MD (1872-1918)
Canadian Army

In Flanders Fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.
We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.
Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JAMIE NOVAK!

LOVE YOU!

Well, she doesn't steal it.

Gracen had another major anxiety meltdown today, and it's beginning to worry me a little.  Her emotions are so out of control that once she starts, it's hard to get her to stop.  Now, I will say that this time change has completely thrown her for a loop.  She was awake at ten minutes to six this morning and by the time the meltdown happened, it was nearly 2 o'clock.  She was clearly overtired.  Mom bought her an adorable Rudolph mechanical thingy from True Value that she said Gracen loved and hugged all over in the store (hence why she bought it for her).   When they got back to my house, mom took it out of the box, and my kid went crazy.  I have to admit, the fact that it was in a couple of pieces and you literally had to put Rudolph's head on, was a little freaky, but this kid was over the top.  I find that she often acts like this around my mother and grandmother (who was also present), but whatever it was or why she did it...once she started, she couldn't stop.  When she finally did fall asleep around 2:30, she woke up 30 minutes later in the same panic.  It took me another 45 minutes to get her to calm down.  In the meantime, she woke Parker up by screaming and crying.  And well...that obviously didn't make me very happy.

I find it hard to have patience with her when she acts like this, BUT, I was the same exact way when I was younger.  I would cry and scream and shake uncontrollably.  I hated mannequins, clowns, you name it.  I always wondered if maybe mom hadn't coddled me so much if I would've been less afraid of my own shadow growing up.  I want Gracen to feel loved and protected, but I do not want her growing up like me----scared of everything.  I don't understand why I'm not more compassionate when she acts like that.  Growing up with that uncontrollable anxiety and fear is the worst feeling ever, and I wouldn't wish it on my enemy.  Now, as she sleeps so sweetly in her bed, I want to bring her into mine and hold her all night.  She fell asleep in my arms tonight in the rocking chair....just like she did when she was little.

I'm going outlet shopping tomorrow, and she is staying with grandma and Parker is staying with his favorite aunt.  Does it sound silly that I'm feeling a little upset about leaving my kids for a day?  REALLY?  Snap out of it, Shannon!  It must be the night.  I'll feel differently tomorrow. I cannot wait to hit up the outlets with my mom and friend Julie and my family.  I really need the retail therapy.

Well, it's off to bed now...checking on my babies first.  Nite all :).

Sooooooo sleepy...

Well, I'm exhausted and going to bed with a smile on my face.  Great day..nothing out of the ordinary...things just worked out.  Took my two babies to Target this morning with my AWESOME Chicco double stroller.  If you need a double stroller, this is well worth the money.  The kids were AWESOME, and I only spent $89.00...completely unheard of! 

The rest of the day went quickly, and I began my first tutoring gig this evening which I am SO excited about.  Came home and Stephen fixed me an awesome sandwich.  My babies played, the MIL stopped by and then my brother brought over our new dresser that Mom purchased for us.  I LOVE it, and it makes me feel like I have a "real" bedroom.  I am still waiting on the nightstand which my poor brother dropped off at Mom's house, thinking it was hers. 

Missing dad a lot tonight as my brother talks about the "hogs" this weekend.  If you are reading this and don't get it, don't worry about it.  If you are reading this and do get it, then you are obviously family or close friends.  Still sad for my brother...he seems so hurt all the time. 

Anyway...boring blog, I know!  I'm just exhausted and going to bed VERY soon.  My kids still have not adjusted to the time change, and I'm sure they'll be up at o' dark thirty tomorrow, but maybe not.  I can hope, right?  I will have something super duper interesting to talk about tomorrow.  Promise!  Nite all.

I asked him....and he did!

Last night before I went to bed, I asked Dad to meet me in my dreams....and he did!

Well, we were at a house....somewhere on vacation.  Mom, me, and Stephen were getting snacks at a little shop before we went out on a boat on the ocean.  We left out on the boat, but we left without dad!  The next thing I knew it was getting ready to storm, and we were all worried that dad had died (for some reason).  We finally got back to the shore and there he was, sitting on a bench...almost asleep. The Dad I saw was a younger dad...the dad I remember from being about 5....thinner in face and frame, longer hair and big porkchop sideburns.  EXACTLY how I remember him at that age and exactly how he looks in pictures.  Dad never spoke during this dream but I remember all of us going to a family gathering.  It was then that I realized that my dad's family was there...his sisters, brother, mom and dad and all the in-laws.  We were all hugging each other and crying that dad was alive.  My dream then flashed over to my dad...picking up Gracen.  I didn't even know I HAD Gracen in this dream because I felt much younger.  But my dad picked her up and swung her around and hugged her close and tight for a long time.  Brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it because it was so beautiful.

So as I woke up this morning, before I opened my eyes, I tried to cling hard to the dream that I had so I could remember the details and share them.  I wonder if it's difficult for dad to make it from Heaven to my dreams at night?  Does he have to ask some sort of permission or wait in line since I'm sure other people are asking the same thing?  I wonder if he chose to appear to me as younger Dad so I would have good and lasting memories.  The ones I've had lately are far from good---of an older Dad...worn down and sick.  I'm finding it hard to remember him as he was...full of life and love.  I also wonder about what I think is symbolic in my dream....You know, like thinking he is dead but he is actually very alive.  What about his lack of words?  Or the fact that we were going on a journey without him and he was staying behind?  I will forever remember the way he picked up Gracen and held her close.  I hope he did the same thing as she slept last night.  I only wish I could see the same thing with Samuel Parker.  In time I guess.

I chose to blog this for many reasons.  1.  I don't want to forget it.  2.  I wanted to share it with my family and friends.  3.  I wanted to let people know that your loved ones can reach you from beyond...and not in a spooky way either. 

Well, it's time for me to go....I know have a 2 year old who has promptly parked herself right in my lap.  High ho, high ho, it's off to Target we go this morning.

Have a great day everyone!

STOP THE MADNESS---UPDATE!

Well, it's 2:38 pm and both of my kids are sound asleep.  The day has gone well.  No meltdowns from Gracen and Parker took a two hour morning nap (which rarely happens).  I was able to organize some clothing (summer stuff), Stephen brought me a McDonald's sweet tea this morning and pancakes for Gracen, and lunch went very well for all.  I'm not sure what it is, but it didn't seem as chaotic today.  I think some of it had to do with the fact that I took a shower early this morning while Stephen was still here.  That was a great idea as I was able to take my time AND have the door closed.  The kids did wake up at 6 due to the lovely time change, but I took it in stride.  I know they'll get back to their normal schedule. In fact, Parker went back to sleep from 7-7:30 so when he woke up again it was kind of like his normal time to wake up.  I'm hoping they can get back on track this evening and into tomorrow.  The house is in a bit of disarray but nothing I can't quickly pick up.  I did all my major cleaning yesterday with the scrubbing of the kitchen and bathrooms.  I did the vacumming today and will do some dusting later this evening.  Ah, perk of living in a smaller house.  All of the space in this house gets used constantly, but it's so small that even though I have to clean it CONSTANTLY, it's not that bad. 

The only real issue today that's bothering me is money woes as normal.  A conversation with the hubby today brought up some issues, which I hope to discuss in a calm and rational matter with him this evening.  I just need a job, and I need a job like yesterday. 

So the kids are asleep, and I'm going to take a small nap with them since all my cleaning has been done.  I feel like such a louse when I say I'm going to take a nap.  When I say that I know people think the life of a stay-at-home mom is so wonderful. I can hear it now, "I wish I could take a nap!"  Well, you know, I wouldn't mind trading sometimes.  I love time with my babies, but the grass "ain't always greener on the other side."  

STOP THE MADNESS!

I woke up this morning with a new resolve---get out of this funk!  You know, what good is the funk doing me?  No good at all!  SO, starting today, I'm putting on my nice shoes and happy face.  It's November right?  The thankful month?  This has always been my favorite time of year.  I'm already preparing for Christmas.  I'm so sad about Dad, but what's done is done, and I can choose to live with the dead or enjoy the living.  Dad, you know I love you and will never forget you.  It'll be very hard without you this year...well, any year.  BUT, I know you want me to be happy....for me and my family.  So, everytime I feel negative today, I'm going to immediately put a positive spin on things....with my husband, my kids, and the world.  I'm anxious to see how it affects all of us. 

I'll try to update periodically throughout the day.  Join me, would you?!  Let's see what a difference it makes in all of us today!  ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE!

Wow.

That's pretty much all I have to say after today.  Have you ever had those days that make you want to crawl in bed next to your babies while they are sleeping and just hug them forever?  I have been the most awful person today.  I've yelled at my husband, my mother, and my kids.  And I'm not saying some of it wasn't warranted, but wow, when I look back.....

I guess it all started with the lovely time change.  Guess it'll be a good week before my kids get back on track with sleeping.  Then it was my ever mindful knowledge of dad being gone and that constant thought about how really FINAL death is.  I mean, I'll never see my dad again (in this life anyway)...and that could be 5 years or 50 years....there is nothing to bring him back.  Then, neither child took a good nap today...oh wait, I mean ANY nap today.  And really, looking back it was my fault.  My kids are very routined oriented and cannot stray off course.  BUT, I wanted to attend a family event and Stephen was working on the boat so I had no choice but to take them.  Well, they both fell asleep in the car on the way home for a whopping 15 minutes, and that would've been great, but the transfer from car to bed was completely unsuccessful....thus leaving my children, cranky and walking around in their sleep until about 8:30 when they finally went to bed.  And here's the best part....I think I reprimanded Gracen a majority of the night and even let Parker cry in his crib!  Ugggghhh, I feel like poo.  Then my husband was gracious enough to bring home and cook....hard crabs!  Of course, I yelled at him too for one reason or another (once again---some was justified).  I don't know.  Just been an blah day.  Hormones I tell ya!  Well, blogging makes me feel better. 

Off to dreamland I am.  Hoping tomorrow brings a better day....

A can't miss show! And....HAPPY BIRTHDAY AUNT DONNA!

The Wiggles! Yes, you heard me correctly.  I will pay money over and over again to see them.  Cheezy...maybe a little, but honestly...very funny and extremely talented.  We had a great time rocking out to them yesterday at 1st Mariner Arena.  Well, eventually we did.  Once Gracen was able to get out of her seat, stand up, and dance, she totally calmed down and was shaking their hands by the end.  Murray, Anthony, Sam, and Jeff might get paid a lot, but they surely earn their money.  They are non-stop dancing, singing, performing tricks and acrobatics and they are constantly in the audience...shaking hands and reading signs and taking pictures.  I was very impressed by these 40 and 50 somethings.

So what in the world am I going to do with my almost 3 year old?  Take her to any event like that and she immediately starts into a frenzy of shaking uncontrollably and crying.  I can only feel sorry for her for about 15 minutes and then my patience runs thin....very thin.  Yesterday was no exception.  She comes by it honestly too, poor thing.  I've been in her shoes.  And that's just the thing...I don't want her to end up like me!  Afraid of my own shadow.  I've tried everything...talking to her, reasoning with her, bribing her, punishing her...everything!  Nothing works and we are left with everyone staring at us.  Cam and Kristen surely aren't going to want to join us anymore!  Everything was fine when they were singing...she was in a trance, but the minute they stopped, she started again!  I just don't know what to do. I want to be able to take her to things like this and have fun with her. 

About 20-30 minutes into the show, Kristen and I realized that all the other kids were up and dancing around in the aisles and such.  Normally, arenas don't allow this for fear of a fire or other people not being able to see, etc., but they totally did yesterday.  We let the kids get down and dance around and play, and Gracen turned into a different kid.  Suddenly, she wasn't afraid anymore.  I came to the conclusion that it was something about sitting in the seat, feeling like she was "trapped" that made her wig out.  She wasn't afraid of any of the Wiggles, Dorothy, Wags, Henry, etc.  She apparently didn't like the feeling of being in the dark (and it was loud) with no control of her own.  Wow, wish we had stood up from the beginning!  By the end, I was able to make my way to the front with her on my shoulders where she shook hands with Murray!  Seriously, best show thus far....even for mom who was able to laugh and act silly and forget her troubles for 2 hours. 

So, like said...find a Wiggles show near you and GO!!!!!!

Check at my pics on fb.....

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=245040&id=607768423&l=318ec6b0e0

Cam and Gracen glued to the show!


Happy Birthday to my Aunt Donna!
The kids miss you, and we can't wait to see you in NYC!  We hope you have a great day!

Black Friday! Oh how I love thee!

There is very little on earth (barring my wedding day and birth of my children) that excites me as much as a good bargain.  For the past 15 years of my life (since I could drive), I have looked ever so forward to Black Friday shopping.   There are no two words that excite me quite as much.  I'm not sure if it's the Thanksgiving evening of looking at great sale papers and buys or the gathering of coupons or just the sheer exhilaration of running out the door at 5 am or so to beat the rush.  Crowds and lines don't really bother me.  It's all part of the holiday season.  I revel in the sound of holiday music playing in the background while I shop. 

Then there's that one Black Friday when mom ran over my foot at Best Buy when picking up our television.  It was a trip to the ER but nothing broken! 

Or the other Black Friday where I did stand in line with Gracen (11 months old) to get a tv at best buy.  Everyone in line kept her entertained and she was quite good.

Or the year I was just getting over strep but made it to Waldorf with Kristen!

Last year I traveled to Arundel Mills with my cousin Courtney and my cousin Matthew's gf (now fiance), Candice.  Oh yeah....5 months pregnant with Parker too!  Ugh, it was soooooooo hot in those stores---my only complaint!

Now, this year, I will do my early November outlet shopping on Veteran's day.  I used to go on "conference Friday" as a teacher but waited until Vet's day this year knowing that a majority of my family would have off and could go too.  I'm really looking forward to it. 

If you haven't done so yet, become a fan of Black Friday on your facebook page---tips on lots of coupons/sales.  I would also try Wow Coupons and Black Friday ads.  They never fail me!

Off to see The Wiggles today with Camden and Kristen!  First time I've been to Bmore since September 17th.....

You've got to get yourself together, you've got stuck in a moment, and you can't get out of it....

I have a ton to blog about and nothing all at the same time.  My head hung so low, my heart hurting so bad; I'm not sure if I blogged about everything...if it would be acceptable.  I feel like I'm at such a crossroads in my life.  Have you ever stopped for a moment in your life when you were confused, looked around, and thought, "How in the hell did this happen?  How can I get back?  CAN I get back?"  I'm there, and it sucks.  There's more than dad's passing involved too. 

What came first, the chicken or the egg?  It can apply to so many things in my life right now.  What a confusing and terrifying question if you think about it: no beginning and no end, no solution.  I want to confess so many things, and I can't.  I could shout to the top of my lungs and still not be heard.  And no, I didn't break any of the Commandments or do anything sinful. 

Maybe it's a midlife at the age of 31?  Maybe it's my battle with religion and reality?  Maybe it's not having a job?  Maybe it's.....well, maybe it's all of the above and more.  OR, maybe it's just the day. 

Per the suggestion of many, I have begun reading, The Shack.  It is most definitely intriguing, but I'm undecided about my feelings on it.  I'm almost done and intend on reading the rest tonight. Deep, it surely is... and confusing in areas.  BUT, it is hard to put down and that's what it is all about, right?  It's definitely made me think a bit.  Honestly, I dove into this book hoping that it would give me hope back.  I was looking forward to having a huge revelation at the end of it.  I was hoping to feel my old self again in terms of religion.  I was/am looking for an answer.  I'm not sure I'll get that, but I'm going to try.  I just want some answers.  I am disappointed in myself...in my lack of faith....in my lack of belief of the Divine.  Okay, maybe not belief....I know He exists...how about trust?  Yes, that's a better word.  I never thought I would become a person whom I barely recognize.

Clutter!

My house seems to be an absolute magnet for the 7 letter word mentioned above. Everywhere I turn there is CLUTTER.  Gone one day, here the next. I could toss, pitch, sell, burn, give away, etc., but I can't seem to get rid of it.  I do live in a fairly small house...only about 1100 square feet of living space so that adds to the problem, but there has got to be a solution.  Right now I'm working on getting some cubbies withe baskets so I can store toys in them, and my wonderful mother just purchased a new dresser and night stand for the hubby and me for Christmas so that will help, but we just have too much stuff.  My kids have too many toys and we have to many "items".  I know, stop buying so much, but really it's not so much that...we just don't have the room!  I'm already writing down a list of things I want in my future home.

1.  A huge downstairs toy room from which nothing can escape.
2.  A mudroom....making it the only place where people can enter. 

Because my house is so small, we use every bit of the space, all the time.  Hence, making it the house that needs to be cleaned most often! I just got done scrubbing the kitchen floor, which happens twice a week at the very least.  Wow, it's a good thing I have no job!

Clutter makes me feel so unorganzied.  In fact, it makes my life feel totally chaotic.  I even hate it when my car is a wreck!  I get very overwhelmed when I think about "lists".  I just have to dive into it and not think about it.  And speaking of clutter, I'm sitting here staring at a package of Silly Bands.  Worst invention ever made, yet every kid loves them and they sell like hotcakes.  Why do I keep buying them?  Probably because, like today, we found Toy Story ones at  Hallmark, and I got one for Gracen and one for Zach...buy one get one free.  But seriously, why can't I think of something that cheap and creative, yet stupid. 

I have found one really productive secret to getting rid of my clutter---yardsales!  My first yardsale was such a success that I will have one at least twice a year.  Also, any online forum where you can sell things is great too like craigslist, Amazon.com, or even ebay!  However, living in the Southern Maryland region, I would really suggest trying SOMD.com.  People are local and pick up their items instead of you having to ship them.  And trust me, you wouldn't believe what people buy!  Some tips when stashing your stuff to sell later on (I learned the hard way):

1.  ORGANIZATION is KEY.  Don't just throw stuff downstairs or up in the attic.  Place it neatly in CLEAR tubs and label it. 
2.  Try to keep clothing items categorized somehow.  For instance, I had my daughter's clothing separated according to size and season.  Next time, I am going to do my best to not only do it that way but also separate things such as coats and jackets, pjs, and seasonal outfits like Christmas and Easter dresses.  I will also do the same for Parker's clothing.  It's really important to keep out shoes and socks too.  People love to buy those things!
3.  If you can't re-gift tagged clothing or other items, keep that in a separate place as well.  People love things they can buy at a yardsale that are still brand new.  Have a nice way of presenting them too like a table or a station where you can hang them.
4.  Bigger items like cameras, etc. will definitely go at a yard sale, but they will sell just as quickly (and easily) by selling them online.  People are less likely to try to talk you down too. 
5.  Take care of your items!  No one wants to buy "Junk in a Box".
6.  What's trash to you, may be treasure to someone else!  Don't toss it!
7.  Lastly, and I learned this the hard way, YOU WON'T FIT INTO THOSE SIZE 2s, AND 4s EVER AGAIN AFTER HAVING KIDS.  Part with them...let some teenager buy them.  It's painful, but it's soooooooo cleansing.

DON'T LET YOUR HOME LOOK LIKE THIS!



(No, that is not my house!)

............On a side note...........

Hey!  Parker got his first hair cut today.  Really it was on a whim so I don't have pictures being the wonderful mother I am.  I was out with him and Gracen and just happened to walk by the hair cut place and no one was there!  He really needed it and looks even more handsome now.  I'll just take pictures next time and call THAT his first hair cut.  He's such a sweet little boy and Gracen sat so still the whole time :).  My angels...well, most of the time.

Well, it's time to put the house back together again before we have company later.  Family dinner night was moved to my house tonight because Stephen was supposed to be in NC, fishing.  He came back early though because the fishing was not very good.  He'll be late again today.  We would have such a great marriage if only he'd find a different job :(.

Three places and one soul

Today is All Souls Day.  In the Catholic religion, it's when we remember those who have passed away and gone before us.  Of course, on this day I am remembering my dad. 

All Souls Day this year has left me thinking a little more deeply about life after death.  What is a soul exactly?  Well, growing up in the Catholic faith (and I'll put a disclaimer right here because everything I will write about in this blog will be from that standpoint.  It's nothing personal. Worship what you choose, I'm not claiming to be the only religion, saying you are wrong, etc. There, that should cover it), I was always taught that everyone is born with a soul.  It's the part of you that leaves your earthly body after you die and either ascends into Heaven or makes its way to Purgatory, or God forbid, Hell.  I'm not exactly sure what it looks like.  I guess I picture it as some sort of tea light or something; as crazy as that sounds.  I often wonder about dad.  I know he went to Heaven, but I wonder if he went as the dad I saw a few months ago?  Did he go as a younger version or an older version?  Did he get to be whomever he wanted to be?  And I think about my Aunt Karen, his sister.  She was only 11 when she died.  Did she go to Heaven as an 11 year old?  Did she greet dad as an 11 year old? 

Then that moves me forward to other question.  I would like to believe that your loved ones can watch over you from Heaven, but do they?  Does he remember us?  I guess he does if they say that people who are dying can see people on the other side waiting for them.  Does he live in a house or does he sleep on a cloud?  Laugh, but these are all very real questions to me.  Can he enjoy in Heaven what he did on earth?  Can he hunt?  I mean, that's killing something so I guess not.  What do you possibly do all day in Heaven since most of what we are doing here on earth is often times sinful and there is no sin in Heaven.  Can you go shopping?  Because if you don't care about worldly possessions in Heaven then why do you need to go shopping?  Weigh in here everyone if you could!

Lastly, what I've really been struggling with since my father died is how the Catholic religion states that it is so hard to get to Heaven.  You have to practically be a saint!  Now, my dad was no saint, but the Catholic religion also believes that if you do all your suffering here on earth, you bypass Purgatory altogether and head straight to St. Peter.  I have always loved my faith, but I'm having a really hard time dealing with a religion that teaches unless I'm almost Mother Teresa, then I won't ever see my dad again.  And see, I don't think God/Jesus works that way. 

So there is my thought for the day.  I am going to try to do that each day to make the blog a little more interesting.  It will also help me too. 

Don't forget to ROCK THE VOTE today.  I did! 



Our life of poverty is as necessary as the work itself. Only in heaven will we see how much we owe to the poor for helping us to love God better because of them.

-Mother Teresa

Happy All Saints Day!

Learning about the Saints has always been one of my favorite things to do.  Their lives are so interesting, and I know first hand how much they can intercede for us.  My class from the past two years had the Saint mass today.  Each one chose a saint, wrote about it, and dressed up as it.  Then they presented themselves at the 8:30 mass.  I wish I had been there to see it.  I'm sure they did me proud!  All Saints day definitely has a new meaning to me this year.  I have no doubt that my dad is one of those saints now; mingling with all of them in heaven. :)

Naptime---It's not just for kids!

Yes, you heard me correctly.  After this blog, I am thinking about launching into a 20 minute nap or so.  I spent a good portion of the day cleaning up while the kids were playing. I folded FOUR baskets of laundry, washed dishes, etc. so I could maybe have 2 seconds to myself this afternoon while they are sleeping.  Ahhh, I love the feel of a clean house, and although I miss him, I'm pretty excited about the prospect of actually keeping that clean house for a few days.  Yes, I am so blessed to have a husband who does the cooking but my Lord does he make a mess!  It's like he casual drops things here or there on purpose--haha!  I know that's not the case, but it sure seems that way!

Mom bought us a dresser and nightstand today as part of our Christmas gift.  How excited am I??!!  I am looking forward to slowly fixing up this house over time.  I'm not much of a decorator, but I do like a "neat" look. 

Starting to get kind of down about the no job thing again.  It's frustrating.  I do have some leads on tutoring but nothing has started yet.  Guess I'll have to start praying to Dad again.  His delivery time is seriously unbelievable :).

P.S.  I saw my first Christmas commerical of the season today :).  Pretty exciting!  I also got the rest of my Toys R Us package in the mail too.