Dear Gracen and Samuel Parker,
If it wasn't for the two of you, I never would have survived this holiday season. In fact, I never would've survived the past 3 months. Your smiles, hugs and kisses, witty sayings, and pure innocence is what has kept me going every single day.
I have tried to do my best to ensure that, even though you are young, these Christmases are the best years of your life. I want you to experience all the magic and wonder that Christmas holds. I hope that I can give you all the happiness that you have given me. Although, I'm not sure that's possible.
Gracen, you are such a sweet and smart little girl. You are so much like your Mommy (which causes us some trouble now....probably a lot later :)). You are full of life....and music! I love watching you sing and dance around the house. It amazes me! You say things quite often that are not only witty and smart, but absolutely hilarious! I know your Poppy is with you all the time and so very proud of his Baby Girl. He loved you with everything in him....."up to the sky and back"!
Samuel Parker...I had no idea at Christmas time last year, what a special treat we were all in for. You are the sweetest baby in the world....and the most curious! As I watch you now....pulling up, standing, and wanting to take off---I wonder where the last 9 months have gone! Gracen loves you so much, and I know how much you love her too. I look so forward to watching the two of you grow up together. Your name is so appropriate as you are so much like your Poppy. You are kind and approachable and have a killer smile. I keep thinking how sad I am that Poppy will miss your first Christmas, first birthday, etc., but I have to keep reminding myself that he won't. I know he'll be there throughout your whole life.
So, to my little darlings....thank you is not enough. I promise to always be available to you---physically and emotionally. I vow to spend even more time playing with you in the new year, as I see these days going by way too fast. I love you more and more with each day. Everyone should be lucky enough to have a Gracen and Samuel Parker.
Love,
Mommy
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I know....it's been a while since I've written. I didn't want to depress my readers so I stayed off the blog. This, is more of a reflection.
I have had that letter in my head for days now. Every day since Thanksgiving, I have woken up with the same challenge...."How do I make this season count with my kids?" Let's see. We've done the Advent Calendar, Advent wreath, Little People Nativity, lists upon lists for Santa, seen Santa a gazillion times, been to NYC with Gracen, and made sure everything on our list for Santa is downstairs in the basement. And yet, everyday, I always wonder if that's enough.
You absolutely cannot beat the awe and wonder of children at Christmas. It's a shame we can't all stay that way. Some people might say that my Christmases are a bit excessive. It used to bother me, but this year it doesn't. This year has left me with a whole different take on life.
Being an adult just plain old sucks sometimes. Day to day life can often leave you problems with your job, your marriage, your family....everything! How great was it to be young and have every single wish, sitting under a tree on Christmas morning? Wouldn't that be great if adults could wish like that...and have it really come true?! Yes, please! Christmas is that one time of year when you have an "excuse" to bring out the magic! ....So, do it! Gracen's birthday is December 28th, but if you ask her whose birthday is coming up, she says, "Jesus"...I must be doing something right. Moderation is great, but all the stops have been pulled out at this house. I greatly respect my friends that follow the Wise Men rule (3 gifts) or perhaps even a one gift rule. I must not have the restraint---haha! I guess the bottom line is this...my Christmases were pure magic, and I want that to be the same for my kids. They have the rest of their lives to understand this "real" world. They will only believe in Santa for a short time, and I am going to relish every bit of it.
So with that said, I hear Mr. Claus downstairs with his power drill. I bet that "fast yellow racecar" is going to look fabulous, sitting in my living room on Christmas morning.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Monday, December 13, 2010
"If I had a million dollars"....I'd still work.
A year ago, if you had asked me, "Would you stop working if you won the lottery?"....I'd most definitely say yes. As of today, I would say NO WAY!
Let me first start out by saying, I love my kids. There is nothing more true and more pure than the love you have for your child. There is nothing greater. I have enjoyed the last 6 months or so being home with my babies. They have brought me so much joy and happiness.....but now....it's time for a change!
I didn't realize the impact leaving work (teaching) would have on me when I left back in September. Part of me was apprehensive, but the other part of me was definitely ready for a break. I realize I had all summer as a break, but beginning July 16th, every other day of my summer was spent traveling to Georgetown and back to be with my dad. EVERY day was spent on the phone with doctors, radiologists, therapists....anyone I could find that would help us out. It was stressful....way stressful. I miss dad, but I don't miss that. Bickering back and forth with my family over where he could receive the best care and how he could receive it wasn't great either. So in essence, I didn't really get a summer "vacation" like I would've every other year. When the middle to the end of August came, and I had to make a decision about work, a small sense of relief came over me to step down. I was tired, and I need a "break". I knew it would be stressful and hard financially, but I really never imagined just how hard or how stressful life would become.
I most definitely believe that everything major in life probably happens for a reason. Part of me really believes that there was a higher hand in the reason why I didn't go back to teaching this year. I don't have any idea why, and at this point in the game I'm a little upset as to why I haven't figured it out, but nonetheless it happened and here I am. As I'm sitting here typing this, I'm feeling pretty down. I never knew how much I would miss being in that classroom....despite all the problems that could arise from time to time. You know, someone made the comment to me the other day that all I did was complain and complain about that job. I guess they might be right, but then I would have to ask, "Who doesn't complain about their job?" Honestly, if and WHEN I go back, I'll probably have some more complaining to do. It doesn't mean I don't love it. I complain about my husband too----but it doesn't mean I don't love him. lol
I went for an interview today for a part time job. It is for your, run of the mill, filing, faxing, answering phones, etc. job for a doctor's office. 10 years ago, I did the same type of work while I was in school. As I sat in that office today, waiting for my interview, I realized that it's not where I belong. I belong back in the classroom. And while I would gladly take this job and do it well and happily (if I could find a baby-sitter), in the end it would leave me feeling empty inside. I miss teaching. I miss my co-workers. I miss changing lives and shaping minds as corny as that sounds. I had a visit from an old co-worker today (we are still buddies), and it was the best 30 minutes of my day....probably the best 30 minutes of my week! The only problem is that when she left, I felt the void....and I felt it big time. I miss being able to talk to her as a friend AND co-worker. Though she keeps me in the loop, it's not nearly the same. My conversation about Gracen's and Parker's latest accomplishment doesn't seem to fit the conversation. This isn't to say that it's not important...it just doesn't fit. St. John's is moving into their big, beautiful school within the next couple of weeks, and I would love to be a part of that more than anything...and I'm not----well, at least not this year. I have high hopes for the future.
So........I understand now why people who win the lottery go back to work. I totally get it, and if I had a million dollars (BNL), I would do the same thing. There are many people that don't feel that way, and that's okay. In fact, there are many people who think I shouldn't feel that way.....and it's not really okay with me, but it is what it is, and I need to just put on my big girl panties and deal with it.
And lastly, and totally unrelated, I haven't had a pedicure since two days before my father was buried so we are talking about 3 months now. Yes, you may go ahead and say ewwwwwwwww or throw up in your mouth a little. I don't blame ya! But within the next couple of weeks, Christmas shopping done or not.....I'm getting a pedicure. I am going to feel like a woman again....well, I'll settle for human. And after Christmas I may even take some tutoring money and spring for highlights that haven't been done since July. I hate how dark my hair gets in the winter.
So lesson learned, my friends. Next time you stop to think about what you would do as a Lottery winner, you might want to think again.
Let me first start out by saying, I love my kids. There is nothing more true and more pure than the love you have for your child. There is nothing greater. I have enjoyed the last 6 months or so being home with my babies. They have brought me so much joy and happiness.....but now....it's time for a change!
I didn't realize the impact leaving work (teaching) would have on me when I left back in September. Part of me was apprehensive, but the other part of me was definitely ready for a break. I realize I had all summer as a break, but beginning July 16th, every other day of my summer was spent traveling to Georgetown and back to be with my dad. EVERY day was spent on the phone with doctors, radiologists, therapists....anyone I could find that would help us out. It was stressful....way stressful. I miss dad, but I don't miss that. Bickering back and forth with my family over where he could receive the best care and how he could receive it wasn't great either. So in essence, I didn't really get a summer "vacation" like I would've every other year. When the middle to the end of August came, and I had to make a decision about work, a small sense of relief came over me to step down. I was tired, and I need a "break". I knew it would be stressful and hard financially, but I really never imagined just how hard or how stressful life would become.
I most definitely believe that everything major in life probably happens for a reason. Part of me really believes that there was a higher hand in the reason why I didn't go back to teaching this year. I don't have any idea why, and at this point in the game I'm a little upset as to why I haven't figured it out, but nonetheless it happened and here I am. As I'm sitting here typing this, I'm feeling pretty down. I never knew how much I would miss being in that classroom....despite all the problems that could arise from time to time. You know, someone made the comment to me the other day that all I did was complain and complain about that job. I guess they might be right, but then I would have to ask, "Who doesn't complain about their job?" Honestly, if and WHEN I go back, I'll probably have some more complaining to do. It doesn't mean I don't love it. I complain about my husband too----but it doesn't mean I don't love him. lol
I went for an interview today for a part time job. It is for your, run of the mill, filing, faxing, answering phones, etc. job for a doctor's office. 10 years ago, I did the same type of work while I was in school. As I sat in that office today, waiting for my interview, I realized that it's not where I belong. I belong back in the classroom. And while I would gladly take this job and do it well and happily (if I could find a baby-sitter), in the end it would leave me feeling empty inside. I miss teaching. I miss my co-workers. I miss changing lives and shaping minds as corny as that sounds. I had a visit from an old co-worker today (we are still buddies), and it was the best 30 minutes of my day....probably the best 30 minutes of my week! The only problem is that when she left, I felt the void....and I felt it big time. I miss being able to talk to her as a friend AND co-worker. Though she keeps me in the loop, it's not nearly the same. My conversation about Gracen's and Parker's latest accomplishment doesn't seem to fit the conversation. This isn't to say that it's not important...it just doesn't fit. St. John's is moving into their big, beautiful school within the next couple of weeks, and I would love to be a part of that more than anything...and I'm not----well, at least not this year. I have high hopes for the future.
So........I understand now why people who win the lottery go back to work. I totally get it, and if I had a million dollars (BNL), I would do the same thing. There are many people that don't feel that way, and that's okay. In fact, there are many people who think I shouldn't feel that way.....and it's not really okay with me, but it is what it is, and I need to just put on my big girl panties and deal with it.
And lastly, and totally unrelated, I haven't had a pedicure since two days before my father was buried so we are talking about 3 months now. Yes, you may go ahead and say ewwwwwwwww or throw up in your mouth a little. I don't blame ya! But within the next couple of weeks, Christmas shopping done or not.....I'm getting a pedicure. I am going to feel like a woman again....well, I'll settle for human. And after Christmas I may even take some tutoring money and spring for highlights that haven't been done since July. I hate how dark my hair gets in the winter.
So lesson learned, my friends. Next time you stop to think about what you would do as a Lottery winner, you might want to think again.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Where are you Christmas?
Well, it's been a long time since I've "blogged". Quite honestly, I really didn't feel like I had much of anything to blog about, and I'm not even sure I do now. I've been under a rock for about a week. Holidays have me kind of down...and it's not even all about dad.
Anyway, I'm sure that I'm not much different than many people when I say that the holidays have me down. So, what is it about this wonderful time of year that brings on depression, anxiety, and stress. I highly doubt that when Christ came into this world as a tiny baby that he wanted this much anxiety to ring throughout the world every year on the celebration of his birth. Does that make sense? Then again, we don't really know if his birthday was December 25th, but that's an entirely different story.
So, during this season, we go out of our way to buy the perfect gifts, find the perfect charity, and see the many Santas. And yet, the 25th comes and goes and we are left with this horribly empty feeling. Where did Christmas go? Wait, where was it to begin with?
Every December 26th, I swear that NEXT YEAR I will do things differently. I will savor every day from Thanksgiving until Christmas. I will do every special thing I can with my children. I will teach them them the true meaning of Christmas. I will volunteer at a shelter or kitchen....buying toys is great, but it's so easy to shell out the money. What are you really doing? This year has proven to be even more challenging...with dad being gone. I find myself thinking about how this time last year, we didn't have a clue what was to become of our family. Will this time next year bring anything like that? I hope not, but tomorrow is not a guarantee...unfortunately. And there isn't any way to prepare for such a thing, but it is constantly on my mind.
I am not saying that this entire season has been a complete let down...because it hasn't. I have had highs and lows. I have been overly excited about my latest Santa purchase, taking the kids to Bubbie Knotts, and then the thought of our upcoming NYC excursion...a week from tomorrow. And BTW, can I say I'm not looking THAT forward to going. Something just stops me in my tracks the minute I think about it....not sure what that is though.
So, I have two weeks left to make this season COUNT. Gracen and I do our Advent calendar every day. We talk a lot about the baby Jesus being born and she loves her Little People Nativity set. Of course, she is equally as excited about Santa, but that's okay. The way I look at it....she has the rest of her life to live in the "real" world. I want her to enjoy the wonder and awe of Santa Claus and Christmas while she still can....and Parker too!
Perhaps, what makes us feel the most let down when Christmas is over, is that the "joy" stops. The giving stops. The awe and wonderment stops. And the question is, "Why does it stop?" And even more importantly....."What can we do so it doesn't stop?" There is no rule saying that this is the only time of year that we can give, that we can surprise people, that we can celebrate. I'm sure all of you have heard, "Every day should be like Christmas." And really, I'm thinking the person that coined that phrase was right on target.
So, here are my ideas for making this holiday season COUNT.
1. I will be overly patient with my children....and trust me....that isn't always easy.
2. I will be overly patient with my spouse and family.....and trust me (well you know the rest).
3. The packages have been mailed to St. Jude but I will do my best to find another way to give of myself this season.
4. I will make contact with a friend I haven't talked to in a while.
5. I will be a regular at church (the minute my husband gets off the boat). My church-going has been slacking lately...well, more than lately. I've been working some stuff out since dad died, but I hate being a hypocrit. I don't want to be a twice a year Catholic. Honestly, I would've gone sooner, but the thought of taking my two children to church by myself is less than appealing. I would have them dressed and there on time....only to leave at the gospel, sweating profusely and needing another shower.
Those are just some of MY ideas but feel free to chime in. I'm fresh out.
On another note, I have an interview on Monday for a part time job. I pretty much have it if I want, but I'm not sure if I can even take it. I don't have a baby-sitter for both days, and I don't want to send my kids to a daycare center. I will still tutor and use the money from that to pay a baby-sitter and then hopefully keep some from the part-time work. Like I said, that's IF I can do it. I'm not getting a whole lot of support, which is very frustrating. I wish I could go into detail, but I can't. I just have to believe that things will work themselves out!
Anyway, I'm sure that I'm not much different than many people when I say that the holidays have me down. So, what is it about this wonderful time of year that brings on depression, anxiety, and stress. I highly doubt that when Christ came into this world as a tiny baby that he wanted this much anxiety to ring throughout the world every year on the celebration of his birth. Does that make sense? Then again, we don't really know if his birthday was December 25th, but that's an entirely different story.
So, during this season, we go out of our way to buy the perfect gifts, find the perfect charity, and see the many Santas. And yet, the 25th comes and goes and we are left with this horribly empty feeling. Where did Christmas go? Wait, where was it to begin with?
Every December 26th, I swear that NEXT YEAR I will do things differently. I will savor every day from Thanksgiving until Christmas. I will do every special thing I can with my children. I will teach them them the true meaning of Christmas. I will volunteer at a shelter or kitchen....buying toys is great, but it's so easy to shell out the money. What are you really doing? This year has proven to be even more challenging...with dad being gone. I find myself thinking about how this time last year, we didn't have a clue what was to become of our family. Will this time next year bring anything like that? I hope not, but tomorrow is not a guarantee...unfortunately. And there isn't any way to prepare for such a thing, but it is constantly on my mind.
I am not saying that this entire season has been a complete let down...because it hasn't. I have had highs and lows. I have been overly excited about my latest Santa purchase, taking the kids to Bubbie Knotts, and then the thought of our upcoming NYC excursion...a week from tomorrow. And BTW, can I say I'm not looking THAT forward to going. Something just stops me in my tracks the minute I think about it....not sure what that is though.
So, I have two weeks left to make this season COUNT. Gracen and I do our Advent calendar every day. We talk a lot about the baby Jesus being born and she loves her Little People Nativity set. Of course, she is equally as excited about Santa, but that's okay. The way I look at it....she has the rest of her life to live in the "real" world. I want her to enjoy the wonder and awe of Santa Claus and Christmas while she still can....and Parker too!
Perhaps, what makes us feel the most let down when Christmas is over, is that the "joy" stops. The giving stops. The awe and wonderment stops. And the question is, "Why does it stop?" And even more importantly....."What can we do so it doesn't stop?" There is no rule saying that this is the only time of year that we can give, that we can surprise people, that we can celebrate. I'm sure all of you have heard, "Every day should be like Christmas." And really, I'm thinking the person that coined that phrase was right on target.
So, here are my ideas for making this holiday season COUNT.
1. I will be overly patient with my children....and trust me....that isn't always easy.
2. I will be overly patient with my spouse and family.....and trust me (well you know the rest).
3. The packages have been mailed to St. Jude but I will do my best to find another way to give of myself this season.
4. I will make contact with a friend I haven't talked to in a while.
5. I will be a regular at church (the minute my husband gets off the boat). My church-going has been slacking lately...well, more than lately. I've been working some stuff out since dad died, but I hate being a hypocrit. I don't want to be a twice a year Catholic. Honestly, I would've gone sooner, but the thought of taking my two children to church by myself is less than appealing. I would have them dressed and there on time....only to leave at the gospel, sweating profusely and needing another shower.
Those are just some of MY ideas but feel free to chime in. I'm fresh out.
On another note, I have an interview on Monday for a part time job. I pretty much have it if I want, but I'm not sure if I can even take it. I don't have a baby-sitter for both days, and I don't want to send my kids to a daycare center. I will still tutor and use the money from that to pay a baby-sitter and then hopefully keep some from the part-time work. Like I said, that's IF I can do it. I'm not getting a whole lot of support, which is very frustrating. I wish I could go into detail, but I can't. I just have to believe that things will work themselves out!
Monday, December 6, 2010
Jolly Ol' St. Nicholas...lend your ear this way...
St. Nick vs. Santa Claus...
Two different people and one very similar spirit.
St. Nicholas was a real person, born in the 3rd century. His parents died when he was young and left him with wealth. History has it that Nick was a very generous man who went around giving away everything he owned to the poor. One of the most well known stories of St. Nicholas occurred when 3 young daughters of a poor man did not have dowries to get married. It is told that St. Nick threw bags of gold into their windows on 3 different occassions so that they would be "worthy" of marriage and finding a husband. The gold, the story says, probably landed in stockings and/or shoes that were set by the fireplace to dry for the night. This is why children set out shoes or stocking so that St. Nick can come fill them. It is this day, December 6th, that we celebrate his feast day in the Catholic Church. St. Nick was also a great bishop who was imprisoned during the days of Roman rule.
Last night, Gracen and I set out Daddy's shoes in the hopes that St. Nick would fill them....and he did! St. Nick brought small toys this time...rather than gold or candy (he is keeping up with the times). Gracen got Littlest Pet Shop pets and Parker got a cool key ring that plays songs. I told Gracen the story of St. Nicholas last night in---in little kid language of course. She didn't forget it, and it was the first thing she asked about this morning. The excitement in her eyes made me forget that it was 6:30 am! It's just a sneak preview for me of what Christmas day will be like for her, and I am beyond excited!
So, St. Nick and Santa Claus are very similar but two very different people. I used to teach my fourth graders that after St. Nick died, Santa kind of took his idea and continued the tradition.
This time of year gives me an excuse to celebrate almost everyday with my children. Once again, when I was little, we always received gifts from St. Nick and surprises here and there from "Advent Angels". How could I not carry on such tradition?
And of course we all know that the Christmas season is about more than presents and tinsil. I have to say that I'm very proud of Gracen because she knows that on December 25th, it's not only Santa Claus we celebrate but also the birth of the baby Jesus. She will even tell me, "Mom, baby Jesus is born again." She greatly enjoys opening up the Advent calendar every day (albeit there are chocolates behind each door), and she spends a great deal of time playing with her Little People Nativity. How funny it was to find the baby Jesus in the back of her ice cream truck yesterday, with one of the three kings driving. I kid you not! Gracen is also VERY excited for her birthday this year. I am reminded of it every day...it falls on December 28th.
It is a blustery cold day here in Clements, MD. The wind feels like it is coming through the walls! I have to admit that it has been nice to stay here today and not have to worry about dragging the kids out so I can go to work. I do really miss working though. I attended Breakfast with Santa yesterday at St. John's and met up with some old co-workers. Oh how I miss them and being part of something greater than changing diapers and cleaning house! Giving up my job has been really hard for me. I don't think some people understand that giving up your job can sometimes be like giving up your identity...giving up who you are in some respects. I miss feeling important...like I have a purpose. And yes, readers, I know my purpose is to be a mother of two beautiful children but let's think outside the box, okay? The holidays have never stressed me out in all my 31 years. This year, I am stressed to the max...and that's for numerous reasons of course.
Well, the hubby is home and the kids are up so I'm signing off for now! Tray, I hope you enjoyed this one. :)
Two different people and one very similar spirit.
St. Nicholas was a real person, born in the 3rd century. His parents died when he was young and left him with wealth. History has it that Nick was a very generous man who went around giving away everything he owned to the poor. One of the most well known stories of St. Nicholas occurred when 3 young daughters of a poor man did not have dowries to get married. It is told that St. Nick threw bags of gold into their windows on 3 different occassions so that they would be "worthy" of marriage and finding a husband. The gold, the story says, probably landed in stockings and/or shoes that were set by the fireplace to dry for the night. This is why children set out shoes or stocking so that St. Nick can come fill them. It is this day, December 6th, that we celebrate his feast day in the Catholic Church. St. Nick was also a great bishop who was imprisoned during the days of Roman rule.
Last night, Gracen and I set out Daddy's shoes in the hopes that St. Nick would fill them....and he did! St. Nick brought small toys this time...rather than gold or candy (he is keeping up with the times). Gracen got Littlest Pet Shop pets and Parker got a cool key ring that plays songs. I told Gracen the story of St. Nicholas last night in---in little kid language of course. She didn't forget it, and it was the first thing she asked about this morning. The excitement in her eyes made me forget that it was 6:30 am! It's just a sneak preview for me of what Christmas day will be like for her, and I am beyond excited!
So, St. Nick and Santa Claus are very similar but two very different people. I used to teach my fourth graders that after St. Nick died, Santa kind of took his idea and continued the tradition.
This time of year gives me an excuse to celebrate almost everyday with my children. Once again, when I was little, we always received gifts from St. Nick and surprises here and there from "Advent Angels". How could I not carry on such tradition?
And of course we all know that the Christmas season is about more than presents and tinsil. I have to say that I'm very proud of Gracen because she knows that on December 25th, it's not only Santa Claus we celebrate but also the birth of the baby Jesus. She will even tell me, "Mom, baby Jesus is born again." She greatly enjoys opening up the Advent calendar every day (albeit there are chocolates behind each door), and she spends a great deal of time playing with her Little People Nativity. How funny it was to find the baby Jesus in the back of her ice cream truck yesterday, with one of the three kings driving. I kid you not! Gracen is also VERY excited for her birthday this year. I am reminded of it every day...it falls on December 28th.
It is a blustery cold day here in Clements, MD. The wind feels like it is coming through the walls! I have to admit that it has been nice to stay here today and not have to worry about dragging the kids out so I can go to work. I do really miss working though. I attended Breakfast with Santa yesterday at St. John's and met up with some old co-workers. Oh how I miss them and being part of something greater than changing diapers and cleaning house! Giving up my job has been really hard for me. I don't think some people understand that giving up your job can sometimes be like giving up your identity...giving up who you are in some respects. I miss feeling important...like I have a purpose. And yes, readers, I know my purpose is to be a mother of two beautiful children but let's think outside the box, okay? The holidays have never stressed me out in all my 31 years. This year, I am stressed to the max...and that's for numerous reasons of course.
Well, the hubby is home and the kids are up so I'm signing off for now! Tray, I hope you enjoyed this one. :)
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Hi, I'm Shannon, have we met?
I feel like I should be saying that to quite a few people in my life right now. Between the financial stress of the holiday season and just the pure sadness of my dad being gone, this season sure hasn't started off the way it used to.....not that I expected it to I guess.
Have you ever taken a look at your spouse and just thought, "Wow, what happened?" Come on, I think most would be lying if they said, "No." The past couple of weeks have left Stephen and me unable to agree on the color of the sky, let alone anything that has to do with raising a family. And I'm sure I haven't been the best person in the world either. I love him to pieces and we always pull it together in the end. It's just that lately, I feel like EVERYTHING has been a struggle....and it's not just with him. Honestly, I'm just looking for a little bit of encouragment...a little bit of, "That's a great idea!" or "I'll help you out; no problem!" And don't get me wrong, I have some great friends and family (and you know who you are), but I feel like THE most important people in my life are the ones I'm having the most trouble with. I just want something to be EASY for once...okay easy is asking for a bit much, but smooth perhaps? I don't know. There are so many things I want to say and so many things I can't. I just would like to encourage everyone out there...especially during this holiday season, to be supportive of your wife, husband, son, daughter, etc. Try to meet every challenge, every question, every statement; with positive feedback. You would not believe what a world of good it would do for the person on the receiving end....and you. Even if you don't feel like it, force yourself to do it.
I also encourage everyone this season to spend time with your kids. Have more patience and less time-outs. Teach them the TRUE meaning of Christmas....how a tiny baby was born unto us to save the world. Make each day of December a special day full of love and giving.
And you know what? Santa's a cool guy too and it's okay to celebrate both in the grandest fashion. A "special" letter from the Man in Red would make any child's day (hint hint). It would be even better if it actually ARRIVED in the mail box (hint hint).
Take pictures and make memories.
Give of yourself and teach your children how to give too. Give as much as you can. I love Christmas, and I love to give. There is so much magic in both, and I owe it all to my parents. They made Christmas such a magical time of year for my brother and me, while teaching us the importance of giving and showing us that there were others less fortunate. This year, I am sending toys to St. Jude Children's Research Hospital in memory of my dad. There are so many charities worthy of giving to. Pray and the Lord will direct you to the right one.
Spend the money. Don't spend foolishly, but spend it. Don't fight about it. That "rainy day" might never come and then what good has it done for you?
Each day, Gracen and Parker renew my faith in God and in the Spirit of Christmas. Gracen was absolutely enthralled with putting the ornaments on the tree this evening...almost to the point of annoyance..lol. When we took the stockings out, her eyes GLOWED. "What's that, Daddy?"
"It's a stocking, baby. Santa fills it with goodies."
"Ohhhhh, a stocking." She giggled as she held it and jumped up and down. A stocking.....so simple. I take them out and hang them up...not giving them a second thought; to her it's a great and wonderfully new discovery. How cool is that? Seeing things through Gracen's eyes makes life a lot brighter.
Lastly, dad's hat became our tree topper and final touch tonight. It's a myriad of emotions that I can't describe. He'll always be part of our Christmases.
Have you ever taken a look at your spouse and just thought, "Wow, what happened?" Come on, I think most would be lying if they said, "No." The past couple of weeks have left Stephen and me unable to agree on the color of the sky, let alone anything that has to do with raising a family. And I'm sure I haven't been the best person in the world either. I love him to pieces and we always pull it together in the end. It's just that lately, I feel like EVERYTHING has been a struggle....and it's not just with him. Honestly, I'm just looking for a little bit of encouragment...a little bit of, "That's a great idea!" or "I'll help you out; no problem!" And don't get me wrong, I have some great friends and family (and you know who you are), but I feel like THE most important people in my life are the ones I'm having the most trouble with. I just want something to be EASY for once...okay easy is asking for a bit much, but smooth perhaps? I don't know. There are so many things I want to say and so many things I can't. I just would like to encourage everyone out there...especially during this holiday season, to be supportive of your wife, husband, son, daughter, etc. Try to meet every challenge, every question, every statement; with positive feedback. You would not believe what a world of good it would do for the person on the receiving end....and you. Even if you don't feel like it, force yourself to do it.
I also encourage everyone this season to spend time with your kids. Have more patience and less time-outs. Teach them the TRUE meaning of Christmas....how a tiny baby was born unto us to save the world. Make each day of December a special day full of love and giving.
And you know what? Santa's a cool guy too and it's okay to celebrate both in the grandest fashion. A "special" letter from the Man in Red would make any child's day (hint hint). It would be even better if it actually ARRIVED in the mail box (hint hint).
Take pictures and make memories.
Give of yourself and teach your children how to give too. Give as much as you can. I love Christmas, and I love to give. There is so much magic in both, and I owe it all to my parents. They made Christmas such a magical time of year for my brother and me, while teaching us the importance of giving and showing us that there were others less fortunate. This year, I am sending toys to St. Jude Children's Research Hospital in memory of my dad. There are so many charities worthy of giving to. Pray and the Lord will direct you to the right one.
Spend the money. Don't spend foolishly, but spend it. Don't fight about it. That "rainy day" might never come and then what good has it done for you?
Each day, Gracen and Parker renew my faith in God and in the Spirit of Christmas. Gracen was absolutely enthralled with putting the ornaments on the tree this evening...almost to the point of annoyance..lol. When we took the stockings out, her eyes GLOWED. "What's that, Daddy?"
"It's a stocking, baby. Santa fills it with goodies."
"Ohhhhh, a stocking." She giggled as she held it and jumped up and down. A stocking.....so simple. I take them out and hang them up...not giving them a second thought; to her it's a great and wonderfully new discovery. How cool is that? Seeing things through Gracen's eyes makes life a lot brighter.
Lastly, dad's hat became our tree topper and final touch tonight. It's a myriad of emotions that I can't describe. He'll always be part of our Christmases.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Three purples and one pink.
Happy first Sunday in Advent, everyone!
I would like to first, shamefully admit that I did a horrible job of celebrating the first Sunday in Advent. I didn't make it to mass because my husband was working, and I cannot take my two children....or rather, I will not take my two children by myself. I spent most of the weekend, including today, doing Christmas shopping...totally against the "rules" of Advent when we are supposed to be anxiously awaiting the birth of Jesus Christ. My husband and I fought...and I mean FOUGHT...all day long (about money again...go figure), and my day was really centered around the fact that my kids were going to see Santa this evening at the Hollwood Firehouse. So really, who's a horrible Catholic Christian? Me!
Not teaching this year, I will really miss my annual morning work of "Grab a green piece of paper, trace your hand, cut it out, and put your name on the back of it!" These "hands" would become my bulletin board Advent wreath, followed by 4 beautifully made construction paper candles, complete with a construction paper flame for each one. Such a simple assignment and yet someone always ended up cutting theirs to shreds or putting their name on the wrong side (haha). I will miss all the holiday activities leading up until the Friday of Christmas break....the Christmas, St. Nick, and Advent DVDs for religion class, the chorus concert and 8th grade play, the class parties....ugh, so sad! I will REALLY miss the lighting of the Advent wreath at school every Monday morning, followed by placing the ornaments on the Jesse tree. The Jesse tree tells the story of Jesus's ancestors and reveals much about God and prominent stories/symbols from the Old Testament.
So, as I was saying....Advent....4 weeks leading up until December 25th, when we celebrate the birth of Christ the King. Advent is a time of preparation as we wait anxiously in anticipation. In recent years, my religion book for my students often dedicated the first two weeks of Advent to thinking about Jesus's coming again as the Messiah and then the last two weeks as preparation for his birth. I have to be honest and admit that I never quite understood it, but I went with it. Our church offers a "Little Blue Book" during Advent, and I always loved starting off each religion class with that book. It always had a fun little fact for the day and a great Bible passage (along with interpretation/explanation) to go along with it. I'll have to pick one up for my own reading enjoyment this year.
People have varying ideas about what each candle represents on the Advent wreath. They differ only slightly, but the first 2 candles that are lit, are purple. They represent Hope and Peace. The next candle is pink (3rd week), and this candle represents Joy as we are nearing the birth of Jesus. Lastly, the 4th candle is also purple and represents Love. I have even seen a white candle in the center of the Advent wreath, to be lit on Christmas for Christ's birth. It is white because Jesus is pure and clean and the light of the world. The advent wreath itself is made from evergreens and formed in a circle, signifying Christ's never ending love (circle)...a love that never dies (evergreens).
On a slightly different tangent, I saw something in Target today that really made me stop and think. Here it is....
I would like to first, shamefully admit that I did a horrible job of celebrating the first Sunday in Advent. I didn't make it to mass because my husband was working, and I cannot take my two children....or rather, I will not take my two children by myself. I spent most of the weekend, including today, doing Christmas shopping...totally against the "rules" of Advent when we are supposed to be anxiously awaiting the birth of Jesus Christ. My husband and I fought...and I mean FOUGHT...all day long (about money again...go figure), and my day was really centered around the fact that my kids were going to see Santa this evening at the Hollwood Firehouse. So really, who's a horrible Catholic Christian? Me!
Not teaching this year, I will really miss my annual morning work of "Grab a green piece of paper, trace your hand, cut it out, and put your name on the back of it!" These "hands" would become my bulletin board Advent wreath, followed by 4 beautifully made construction paper candles, complete with a construction paper flame for each one. Such a simple assignment and yet someone always ended up cutting theirs to shreds or putting their name on the wrong side (haha). I will miss all the holiday activities leading up until the Friday of Christmas break....the Christmas, St. Nick, and Advent DVDs for religion class, the chorus concert and 8th grade play, the class parties....ugh, so sad! I will REALLY miss the lighting of the Advent wreath at school every Monday morning, followed by placing the ornaments on the Jesse tree. The Jesse tree tells the story of Jesus's ancestors and reveals much about God and prominent stories/symbols from the Old Testament.
So, as I was saying....Advent....4 weeks leading up until December 25th, when we celebrate the birth of Christ the King. Advent is a time of preparation as we wait anxiously in anticipation. In recent years, my religion book for my students often dedicated the first two weeks of Advent to thinking about Jesus's coming again as the Messiah and then the last two weeks as preparation for his birth. I have to be honest and admit that I never quite understood it, but I went with it. Our church offers a "Little Blue Book" during Advent, and I always loved starting off each religion class with that book. It always had a fun little fact for the day and a great Bible passage (along with interpretation/explanation) to go along with it. I'll have to pick one up for my own reading enjoyment this year.
People have varying ideas about what each candle represents on the Advent wreath. They differ only slightly, but the first 2 candles that are lit, are purple. They represent Hope and Peace. The next candle is pink (3rd week), and this candle represents Joy as we are nearing the birth of Jesus. Lastly, the 4th candle is also purple and represents Love. I have even seen a white candle in the center of the Advent wreath, to be lit on Christmas for Christ's birth. It is white because Jesus is pure and clean and the light of the world. The advent wreath itself is made from evergreens and formed in a circle, signifying Christ's never ending love (circle)...a love that never dies (evergreens).
On a slightly different tangent, I saw something in Target today that really made me stop and think. Here it is....
Let's play, "Name What's Wrong With This Picture". The box says Advent Calendars, but the calendars it contains say, Dear Santa, Only a Few Days Left! This amused me at first and shocked me a little, but the more I thought about it, the more I thought HOW WRONG! First of all, I LOVE the people who celebrate Christmas but don't believe in Jesus. Seriously, look right there: CHRISTmas. Personally, I really feel like this picture represents something similar to me lighting an Advent wreath and saying, Happy Hannukah or Happy Kwanzaa! It's just wrong, and it doesn't make any sense. Santa has NOTHING to do with Advent. And please don't go thinking I'm all hoity toity about everything because no one is more guilty than I am of going completely overboard with Santa...but seriously Target...let's try a little harder, okay? I'm sure I could make a big stink about it if I wanted to be all politically correct and what not, and maybe I should call it to their attention, but I'm voicing it on here for now.
So, after a little shopping on Black Friday, Stephen and I took the kids to see Santa light the tree in Leonardtown. I love this night, and the kids had a blast. Gracen danced the night away and anxiously waved to Santa on the firetruck and yelled loudly as he lit the tree. She did the same tonight at the Hollywood Firehouse, only this time she had the opportunity to sit on Santa's lap. Um..........what a disaster! Shaking and crying, I took her up there. She buried her head and wouldn't say a word. Samuel Parker, laid back as he is, just looked around in amazement. Santa could be his homeboy any day. I'll post pictures when I get some from the family....great night but exhausting!
Lastly, I would like to say how terribly I missed my dad tonight. He loved watching the kids see Santa. In fact, he used to dress as Santa for the family and loved every last minute of it. Christmas is going to be really rough this year...and every year. Every year, Hospice has a tree lighting ceremony and you can purchase Christmas ornaments for $25 with a loved one's name written on them. My aunts purchased a few. All I have to say is this: If you see someone's name on a Christmas ornament without a "Baby's First Christmas" next to it, it's probably not a good sign. Seeing the picture of this ornament really hit me hard, and I'm not sure why. The reality set in a long time ago.
Pictures from Christmas in the Square....
Thursday, November 25, 2010
We did it!
I swear, everytime I say that all I can hear is Dora...WE DID IT, WE DID IT, WE DID IT, YEA! lol
Anyway, we did it. We all "survived" our first Thanksgiving without dad. I can only speak for myself when I say that I had a total of about 3 private meltdowns. One of them came after grace today at my grandmother's house. No one would begin so I bent over and helped Gracen begin to say it. When it was all quiet at the end, she pipes up....KISS POPPY. Really, she says...KISS POPPY. I have no idea what that means, but it was clear as day and quite obvious who she was talking about. I'm telling ya...out of the mouths of babes. Several of us all had a quiet meltdown, but it was so nice to know that he is still with us. I know he is and so does Gracen....just ask her. Later this evening we arrived at my aunt's house where half were watching the UGLY Dallas game (darn it) and the other half were in the kichen drinking wine and margaritas and eating nachos and yet more were downstairs playing. And as I glanced around at all of my dad's kin, I realized; life really does go on. And it was never more obvious to me than today. Dad's presence was ever felt, and he was on everyone's mind, but there is no stopping time. There is no stopping the sound of children laughing or Samuel Parker squealing or the loudness of all my dad's sisters---hahaha. Love you all and thank GOD for you!
And so, after a very successful Santa shopping excursion last night, I look forward with great excitement to BLACK FRIDAY. I will not be out early, unfortunately, but I will be out at some point...with or without the kids. So the double stroller is revved up and ready to go, but if I don't need it and SOMEONE (ANYONE) wants to come and watch my kids, I won't be disappointed. lol
Of course this blog would not be complete without a "thankful" list....which, I'm sorry, but they are so overrated. And by that I just mean that one day is simply not enough to give thanks. It's not enough for anyone. I need to make a more conscious effort to give thanks EVERYDAY. But, as I sit on my nice warm bed, I know that I have so much to be thankful for. I am thankful that at the age of 31, every one of my dreams has come true. I became a wife almost 4 years ago and had the most beautiful wedding ever. I had a wonderful dad to walk me down the aisle---who is now a special guardian angel to all of us. I have a great husband, despite all of our issues. I have two beautiful, healthy, and bright children who are my world. I have a roof over my head and heat in my house. I have some change in my pocket to give my kids a good Christmas. I have a circle of friends that keeps growing. I have a wonderful mother, wonderful grandparents.....aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. I really do have the best family in the world. I have the ability and the knowledge to read and write this blog to you even as we speak. Basically, I have it all, and I need to see it that way more often.
So, it's 10:38 right now, and I better read my sale papers and hit the hay if I want to catch any deals tomorrow! Nite everyone and HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Anyway, we did it. We all "survived" our first Thanksgiving without dad. I can only speak for myself when I say that I had a total of about 3 private meltdowns. One of them came after grace today at my grandmother's house. No one would begin so I bent over and helped Gracen begin to say it. When it was all quiet at the end, she pipes up....KISS POPPY. Really, she says...KISS POPPY. I have no idea what that means, but it was clear as day and quite obvious who she was talking about. I'm telling ya...out of the mouths of babes. Several of us all had a quiet meltdown, but it was so nice to know that he is still with us. I know he is and so does Gracen....just ask her. Later this evening we arrived at my aunt's house where half were watching the UGLY Dallas game (darn it) and the other half were in the kichen drinking wine and margaritas and eating nachos and yet more were downstairs playing. And as I glanced around at all of my dad's kin, I realized; life really does go on. And it was never more obvious to me than today. Dad's presence was ever felt, and he was on everyone's mind, but there is no stopping time. There is no stopping the sound of children laughing or Samuel Parker squealing or the loudness of all my dad's sisters---hahaha. Love you all and thank GOD for you!
And so, after a very successful Santa shopping excursion last night, I look forward with great excitement to BLACK FRIDAY. I will not be out early, unfortunately, but I will be out at some point...with or without the kids. So the double stroller is revved up and ready to go, but if I don't need it and SOMEONE (ANYONE) wants to come and watch my kids, I won't be disappointed. lol
Of course this blog would not be complete without a "thankful" list....which, I'm sorry, but they are so overrated. And by that I just mean that one day is simply not enough to give thanks. It's not enough for anyone. I need to make a more conscious effort to give thanks EVERYDAY. But, as I sit on my nice warm bed, I know that I have so much to be thankful for. I am thankful that at the age of 31, every one of my dreams has come true. I became a wife almost 4 years ago and had the most beautiful wedding ever. I had a wonderful dad to walk me down the aisle---who is now a special guardian angel to all of us. I have a great husband, despite all of our issues. I have two beautiful, healthy, and bright children who are my world. I have a roof over my head and heat in my house. I have some change in my pocket to give my kids a good Christmas. I have a circle of friends that keeps growing. I have a wonderful mother, wonderful grandparents.....aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. I really do have the best family in the world. I have the ability and the knowledge to read and write this blog to you even as we speak. Basically, I have it all, and I need to see it that way more often.
So, it's 10:38 right now, and I better read my sale papers and hit the hay if I want to catch any deals tomorrow! Nite everyone and HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
This is what thankful looks like....
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
As it draws near....
Sadly enough, perhaps nothing excites me more than the 3 days surrounding Thanksgiving. Tonight I will make my way up to the "dorf" to go shopping with my aunt at Toys R Us and the mall. TOMORROW night, I may even find myself doing some shopping. A lot of stores are opening at midnight and Toys R Us is opening at 10. You would NOT BELIEVE the bargains they are having! And of course there's....DUN, DUN, DUN....Black Friday! Oh Black Friday...how I love thee...let me count the ways! Oh wait, did I mention Cyber Monday?
My inbox to both my hotmail and metrocast e-mail is filled to the brim every morning when I awake----tons of retailers offering me their "Very Best Sale of the Year"! And yes, it's suckers like myself who will look long and hard at every single one, hemming and hawwing about whether I should take the leap and buy now or wait closer to Christmas. Either way, I'm pretty hyped up about it all. Gracen is at such a fun age and now and even Parker....loves everything, and I know he'll get a huge kick out of Christmas.
And with all that said, no, I haven't forgotten about Thanksgiving. How can I? I've been dreading it for months now. For the past week, despite my best efforts, I've been waking up early in the morning, anxiety ridden. All I can think about is dad, and all I can see are his last few, terrifying moments here on earth. Horrible, I know. I'm not sure what it's all about or why it's happening. It's just, well, UGH. I think what's tortured me more than dad's actual death, is the way he spent his last couple of months and his last couple of hours here on earth. But, enough about that.....onto being thankful!
I am going to make a conscious effort, starting NOW, to turn everything into thankfulness. My first step...I am thankful (as I'm sure others are) for the nice, hot shower I'm about to take. Albeit, it'll be with the door open and constantly peeking my head out to check on Gracen, but nonetheless, thankful for it. I will save my REALLY thankful blog for tomorrow (when I'm getting all those great deals---hahahaha). Happy day before Thanksgiving everyone!
My inbox to both my hotmail and metrocast e-mail is filled to the brim every morning when I awake----tons of retailers offering me their "Very Best Sale of the Year"! And yes, it's suckers like myself who will look long and hard at every single one, hemming and hawwing about whether I should take the leap and buy now or wait closer to Christmas. Either way, I'm pretty hyped up about it all. Gracen is at such a fun age and now and even Parker....loves everything, and I know he'll get a huge kick out of Christmas.
And with all that said, no, I haven't forgotten about Thanksgiving. How can I? I've been dreading it for months now. For the past week, despite my best efforts, I've been waking up early in the morning, anxiety ridden. All I can think about is dad, and all I can see are his last few, terrifying moments here on earth. Horrible, I know. I'm not sure what it's all about or why it's happening. It's just, well, UGH. I think what's tortured me more than dad's actual death, is the way he spent his last couple of months and his last couple of hours here on earth. But, enough about that.....onto being thankful!
I am going to make a conscious effort, starting NOW, to turn everything into thankfulness. My first step...I am thankful (as I'm sure others are) for the nice, hot shower I'm about to take. Albeit, it'll be with the door open and constantly peeking my head out to check on Gracen, but nonetheless, thankful for it. I will save my REALLY thankful blog for tomorrow (when I'm getting all those great deals---hahahaha). Happy day before Thanksgiving everyone!
Monday, November 22, 2010
Happy 8 months, Sammy Parker!
My water breaking didn't induce my labor so they gave me pitocin. After upping the dosage three times, I decided I couldn't stand it anymore and asked for my epidural. It only took on one side, and I was in excruciating pain on my right side until THANK GOODNESS, the anesthesiologist came back in and doped me up again. It wasn't long after that, that my little Samuel Parker Armsworthy was born at 9:32 am. He weighed about 7 lb even and was only 19 inches long....so tiny!
My husband and I had a hard time picking out Parker's name. I had a really strong feeling that I wanted to use my dad's name somewhere in Parker's name...I guess now I know why. I wanted it to be Parker Samuel, but Stephen insisted on Samuel Parker, and I like that a lot better now. I love to call him Sammy Parker. He has been an absolute joy his entire 8 months here on earth (minus about a month when he wouldn't sleep and was super gassy). To say that Parker has been everyone's light since July 16th (when we found out dad was sick) is an understatement. Gracen has been wonderful too, but there is something about the love and joy of a little baby. Gracen had 2 wonderful years with dad. They did so much together. Most of Parker's time with dad was spent sitting or sleeping in his hospital bed with him. It sounds so dismal, but when I look back on it I realize how God's timing is so perfect. I know without a doubt that Samuel Parker provided so much joy and love to my dad during those sad months in the hospital...and right up to his death. Dad loved Gracen like no other, but I think her visits left him with a sadness...that he couldn't get down and play with her or hold her like he could when he was well. Parker's visits were just perfect...he wasn't mobile, and neither was dad. So while Gracen had a great two years with dad, Parker had the last two months of his life. And when I look back on it all, I am thankful that dad was able to see a baby boy with his namesake and one that brought him much joy and happiness in a dismal hospital room.
Samuel Parker is movin' and groovin' these days. He can sit up well, but refuses to because he always wants to move into the crawling position. Only problem is---he can't crawl! He loves to stand, but he can't stand on his own. He is a sweet and handsome little boy who is growing leaps and bounds everyday. I can't believe he'll be a year old in 4 short months. He LOVES Mickey Mouse and chuckles loudly at him. He will smile at anyone who gives him a look. He has beautiful blue eyes, blonde "fuzzy" hair, and dimples. He weighs almost 20 lbs with huge "hamhocks" for legs----my grandfather attributes those to his daddy (Stephen). He will ride anywhere in the car without crying (which some of you may know as a parent, is a HUGE deal). He has one little tooth that has come through and another one on the way. He does not want to WATCH you eat, but will rather dive at your plate instead. That's where the PUFFS come in, which he absolutely loves. He's a pretty good sleeper, for which I am thankful.
I cannot tell you the way Parker....well, the way both of my children have touched my life during this very difficult time. I am so grateful and blessed. I love you, my sweet and handsome little Sammy Parker!
Saturday, November 20, 2010
'Tis the season...
97.1 started playing their Christmas music on Friday. I was a little confused at first about how I felt about it all. Now, I'm cool with it.
You know, my kids are playing nicely in the floor, and I should be sweeping, but I've had such a rapid flurry of thoughts over the past couple of days, that I wanted to put fingers to keyboard. And deep thoughts naturally equal that I've been thinking about dad. Sorry, readers. But, hey, this one might be a little more insightful and not so bad so keep reading.
Everytime I have gotten excited about this holiday season---from Santa shopping, to watching movies with the kids, I immediately have a sad feeling come over. Of course, it's then I remember that dad is gone. But lately, I've tried hard to combat that feeling. Because when I think about it, what is that SAD feeling really going to do for me and my family.? The answer: absolutely nothing.
I really believe that often when people remember deceased loved ones (especially during the holiday season), we automatically think we have to remember them with sadness. It's a given that the minute you start talking about grandma or grandpa or mom or dad that have left this world, that our eyes turn downward and we give a deep sigh. In fact, I would even go so far as to say that people sometimes think if you don't remember them with sadness then you don't remember them at all. I mean, I have even found myself feeling guilty about being happy about Christmas. In fact, it happened just this morning when I was in the car listening to Christmas music. I was happy, singing along, and then BAM. My mood immediately changed. I actually felt guilty about being so happy. Yes, my dad is gone, and it is sad, but I have a choice every single day when I get up: I can be happy or I can be sad. Just because I make a choice to be happy, does not mean that I have forgotten about dad or am any less sad. It doesn't mean that I don't have my moments of weeping throughout the day or at night when I go to bed. But, it's OK to be happy. It's okay to let that in. Sometimes it's a little easier said than done, but it really is a choice. Christmas Eve and Christmas Day will be a sad one for all of us. In fact, I'm pretty much dreading all of it; especially Christmas Day when we go to my paternal grandparents house as we do every year. It's a very small house, and I imagine that there will be a great sadness looming over all of it, along with some tears. Did I mention I was DREADING it? Anyway, I hope that somehow, we can all find the strength to hold it together and be happy for all the Christmases we did have with dad and remember, above all, that he is happy now and not in pain anymore. And you know what? I actually feel my dad around me more than ever these days. I look all around my house, and there isn't one thing in here that he hasn't touched; from the bookshelves in Gracen's room, to the fence outside my basement stairs, to the window sills in my bedroom. He's everywhere. I KNOW he is, and that brings me great comfort. This year, one of dad's hats will be our tree topper, and I don't care how redneck that is. I recently had a beautiful BW picture hung in each of my kids' rooms.....one is of Gracen and dad in the garden and the other is of dad holding Samuel Parker as he slept in his hospital bed. My dad is watching over my kids, always....just not in the way I want him to. He's watching over all of us. In addition, dad is great at getting prayers answered more rapidly and speedily. It's amazing how quickly I can send prayers up and how quickly I get a response these days.
My mom said she won't put up a tree this year. And I have to ask, Will that make her any less sad? No, probably not. Dad wouldn't want it to be that way either. He would want us all to be happy and carry on because he surely is. So, I hope she puts one up...for her sake and her grandchildren. If I avoided everything that reminded me of dad or that dad built, I wouldn't even be able to live in my own house. And as I said before, these things are all easier said than done, but when looked at closely, are the biggest and truest cliches you will ever find.
So I am hoping this blog a) helps me to really believe what I'm writing and stay true to it and b) might help someone else out there.
And one last thought, I'm happy for my Aunt Karen. She has her brother to spend Christmas with this year.
You know, my kids are playing nicely in the floor, and I should be sweeping, but I've had such a rapid flurry of thoughts over the past couple of days, that I wanted to put fingers to keyboard. And deep thoughts naturally equal that I've been thinking about dad. Sorry, readers. But, hey, this one might be a little more insightful and not so bad so keep reading.
Everytime I have gotten excited about this holiday season---from Santa shopping, to watching movies with the kids, I immediately have a sad feeling come over. Of course, it's then I remember that dad is gone. But lately, I've tried hard to combat that feeling. Because when I think about it, what is that SAD feeling really going to do for me and my family.? The answer: absolutely nothing.
I really believe that often when people remember deceased loved ones (especially during the holiday season), we automatically think we have to remember them with sadness. It's a given that the minute you start talking about grandma or grandpa or mom or dad that have left this world, that our eyes turn downward and we give a deep sigh. In fact, I would even go so far as to say that people sometimes think if you don't remember them with sadness then you don't remember them at all. I mean, I have even found myself feeling guilty about being happy about Christmas. In fact, it happened just this morning when I was in the car listening to Christmas music. I was happy, singing along, and then BAM. My mood immediately changed. I actually felt guilty about being so happy. Yes, my dad is gone, and it is sad, but I have a choice every single day when I get up: I can be happy or I can be sad. Just because I make a choice to be happy, does not mean that I have forgotten about dad or am any less sad. It doesn't mean that I don't have my moments of weeping throughout the day or at night when I go to bed. But, it's OK to be happy. It's okay to let that in. Sometimes it's a little easier said than done, but it really is a choice. Christmas Eve and Christmas Day will be a sad one for all of us. In fact, I'm pretty much dreading all of it; especially Christmas Day when we go to my paternal grandparents house as we do every year. It's a very small house, and I imagine that there will be a great sadness looming over all of it, along with some tears. Did I mention I was DREADING it? Anyway, I hope that somehow, we can all find the strength to hold it together and be happy for all the Christmases we did have with dad and remember, above all, that he is happy now and not in pain anymore. And you know what? I actually feel my dad around me more than ever these days. I look all around my house, and there isn't one thing in here that he hasn't touched; from the bookshelves in Gracen's room, to the fence outside my basement stairs, to the window sills in my bedroom. He's everywhere. I KNOW he is, and that brings me great comfort. This year, one of dad's hats will be our tree topper, and I don't care how redneck that is. I recently had a beautiful BW picture hung in each of my kids' rooms.....one is of Gracen and dad in the garden and the other is of dad holding Samuel Parker as he slept in his hospital bed. My dad is watching over my kids, always....just not in the way I want him to. He's watching over all of us. In addition, dad is great at getting prayers answered more rapidly and speedily. It's amazing how quickly I can send prayers up and how quickly I get a response these days.
My mom said she won't put up a tree this year. And I have to ask, Will that make her any less sad? No, probably not. Dad wouldn't want it to be that way either. He would want us all to be happy and carry on because he surely is. So, I hope she puts one up...for her sake and her grandchildren. If I avoided everything that reminded me of dad or that dad built, I wouldn't even be able to live in my own house. And as I said before, these things are all easier said than done, but when looked at closely, are the biggest and truest cliches you will ever find.
So I am hoping this blog a) helps me to really believe what I'm writing and stay true to it and b) might help someone else out there.
And one last thought, I'm happy for my Aunt Karen. She has her brother to spend Christmas with this year.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
A new resolve...
I woke up yesterday morning with a new resolve...I was going to cook dinner! In the 3 1/2 years I've been married, I have only cooked for my husband twice... and it wasn't pretty and had very little effort involved. Stephen has always cooked and always loved to cook because, well, he loves to eat. However, he has often voiced his discontent at the fact that I don't cook....or really refuse to....until now.
My first dish was shrimp scampi over pasta. And you know what? It wasn't too bad! My husband even liked it, and he is SUPER picky. And trust me, he would either say nothing or definitely tell me if it was awful. My second dish, which was this evening, was 3 cheese lasagna. Not as good but still good enough for all of us to eat and my hubby to take some leftovers for lunch tomorrow. I'm pretty proud of myself!
Stephen and I have had our fair share of disagreements and woes lately and so I decided that I would step it up a notch. We're always complaining about how the other one either doesn't listen or doesn't change or just "doesn't" get it. So, I thought I would be the first to start. And the result? Surprisingly good. We had a great night and my husband was more pleasant than ever. Truly proving the phrase that, "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach." Then again, I guess I always knew that about Stephen.
On another note, I'm having some pretty anxiety ridden days lately. The money I make in tutoring is just not cutting it for income for me (I only have one client). I do have a possible position opening up for me in the near future which would require working two days a week, for 10 hours a day. Really, I would prefer to do it that way and don't mind the long days. It's leaving my kids (and getting them to a sitter) that I do mind and that makes me extremely nervous. You know, it's funny how last year when I was working (and before that), I would have no problem getting up, leaving them, and going to work. It's different now for some reason. Maybe it's the enormous amount of time I have spent with them since June 12th or so. OR maybe it's the fact that my mom won't watch them (what a completely awesome thing that was). I really wish I knew of a REALLY reliable college student or friend that would watch them two days a week at my home. Better yet, I REALLY wish that I would get a response back to what seems like millions of e-mails I have sent out responding to job postings for medical transcriptionists. I am so frustrated. I can't seem to land one, and I'm perfectly qualified. And then, on the other hand, if I could get a total of 3 or 4 more children to tutor, I wouldn't be worried about finding a job at all.
I can't say that we are dirt poor right now. We are making the bills and Christmas is almost covered. It's just hard....REALLY hard. I felt bad about getting my hair cut last night, and I haven't had it cut in two months. We're supposed to get our Christmas pictures taken on the 29th, and I'm trying to figure out where that money is going to come from. Having to ask your spouse for money just plain sucks. Especially when he is Ebonezer incarnate. I would do anything to have my own paycheck again; to go to Target and buy what I need without batting an eye. This is miserable, but I have to constantly remind myself that I sit here with a roof over my head, listening to the heat running. A part-time job would give me just the right amount of money I need and still allow me to stay home with the kids. And then oh wait, there's the cost of daycare. I can't win.
I'm sorry if this rant has seemed like a rant...or maybe even a whine. I am just so completely stressed out about it all that no words could even begin to describe it. I'm going to bed and praying to my dad for some help on the matter. I have to say, he gets the job done pretty quickly most of the time. Nite all.
My first dish was shrimp scampi over pasta. And you know what? It wasn't too bad! My husband even liked it, and he is SUPER picky. And trust me, he would either say nothing or definitely tell me if it was awful. My second dish, which was this evening, was 3 cheese lasagna. Not as good but still good enough for all of us to eat and my hubby to take some leftovers for lunch tomorrow. I'm pretty proud of myself!
Stephen and I have had our fair share of disagreements and woes lately and so I decided that I would step it up a notch. We're always complaining about how the other one either doesn't listen or doesn't change or just "doesn't" get it. So, I thought I would be the first to start. And the result? Surprisingly good. We had a great night and my husband was more pleasant than ever. Truly proving the phrase that, "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach." Then again, I guess I always knew that about Stephen.
On another note, I'm having some pretty anxiety ridden days lately. The money I make in tutoring is just not cutting it for income for me (I only have one client). I do have a possible position opening up for me in the near future which would require working two days a week, for 10 hours a day. Really, I would prefer to do it that way and don't mind the long days. It's leaving my kids (and getting them to a sitter) that I do mind and that makes me extremely nervous. You know, it's funny how last year when I was working (and before that), I would have no problem getting up, leaving them, and going to work. It's different now for some reason. Maybe it's the enormous amount of time I have spent with them since June 12th or so. OR maybe it's the fact that my mom won't watch them (what a completely awesome thing that was). I really wish I knew of a REALLY reliable college student or friend that would watch them two days a week at my home. Better yet, I REALLY wish that I would get a response back to what seems like millions of e-mails I have sent out responding to job postings for medical transcriptionists. I am so frustrated. I can't seem to land one, and I'm perfectly qualified. And then, on the other hand, if I could get a total of 3 or 4 more children to tutor, I wouldn't be worried about finding a job at all.
I can't say that we are dirt poor right now. We are making the bills and Christmas is almost covered. It's just hard....REALLY hard. I felt bad about getting my hair cut last night, and I haven't had it cut in two months. We're supposed to get our Christmas pictures taken on the 29th, and I'm trying to figure out where that money is going to come from. Having to ask your spouse for money just plain sucks. Especially when he is Ebonezer incarnate. I would do anything to have my own paycheck again; to go to Target and buy what I need without batting an eye. This is miserable, but I have to constantly remind myself that I sit here with a roof over my head, listening to the heat running. A part-time job would give me just the right amount of money I need and still allow me to stay home with the kids. And then oh wait, there's the cost of daycare. I can't win.
I'm sorry if this rant has seemed like a rant...or maybe even a whine. I am just so completely stressed out about it all that no words could even begin to describe it. I'm going to bed and praying to my dad for some help on the matter. I have to say, he gets the job done pretty quickly most of the time. Nite all.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Ever working America
Every year around the holiday season, I take note of the signs that start to pop up around businesses..."Open 5 am to 3 pm on Thanksgiving Day!" I understand this has been going on for years, but it seems that every year, one more business begins doing the "open on Christmas" or "open on Thanksgiving Day" thing. Am I the only one appalled by this? Well, maybe appalled is too strong of a word, but I find this to be a serious problem. Just a thought, but will the whole world go into an economic crisis if McDonald's or Wendys is not open on Thanksgiving Day? How about McKays? I understand that making the almighty dollar is important for survival in today's world, but what about family, friends, and memories? Yes, I understand that those employees probably get holiday pay and overtime for working those days, but I feel badly for them. Once again...it's part of what I believe is the problem with today's society: too much emphasis on the wrong things in life. I would love to see EVERYTHING shut down on important holidays (minus the essentials like the hospital and such). Need gas? Get it the day before! Now there's a thought! Plan ahead! I don't know...this has something that has bothered me every year, but now I get to blog about it :). What if we all just took a break?! Wouldn't that be something!
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
So long, Backyardigans table
I spent most of the morning cleaning. What else is new, right? I can't stand clutter, and my house is a magnet for it. I have roughly 1100 square feet of living space which just doesn't seem like enough. I emptied out the kids' toybox this morning and threw away some things; others I placed in a yardsale tub and the remainder I kept for Parker. The toybox is not in his room as opposed to the end of my hallway, and I feel good about my accomplishment. And yet, I don't feel GOOD ENOUGH.
The Backyardigans table is about to make its trip downstairs to the basement. I do not want to sell it because it was/is a big part of Gracen's childhood, but she no longer uses it, and it's taking up space in my house! I tried to explain to Gracen today, that if she wanted Santa to bring her new toys, we'd have to get rid of some old ones. I'm not sure how I expected this to go over, but it didn't go over well. She took one look at the empty space and said, "I don't have any toys!" Brat. Just kidding, but I was disappointed that not even a small part of her "got it". Although, I will say later, that I heard her mumbling something to herself about giving toys to other kids. I want my kids to grow up, knowing that they are fortunate and trying to help those that are not.
Every holiday season, while working at St. John's, I made it a special point to get my students involved with the nursing home or raising money for our needy family through helping hands. This year, I feel lost. I really want to do something meaningful with my children (particularly Gracen), but I'm not sure what. Teaching was kind of my "vehicle" to do things such as that, but I'm not sure how to go about it this year. Any ideas would be helpful.
I would like to do something hands on...soup kitchen, wrapping toys, etc. It's too simple to take money and purchase toys and then dump them in the Marine Corp. Toys for Tots bin. I can't imagine what would happen if every one in America (heck, the world) would promise to do one kind deed this holiday season...something that required their time and maybe even their money too. I've been so busy making lists and checking them twice; going downstairs to count how many presents each kid has from Santa so far. We obviously know that this isn't what Christmas is all about, but it easily becomes that every year. My mom and dad raised me in such a way that I understand and have always understood that there are those less fortunate, and I want to reach out to them. I remember when I was younger, thinking how "cool" it would be to adopt a needy family for Christmas. Like, for real, take them in...let them spend Christmas with us, buy them gifts, etc. I'm even sure that I proposed it to my parents. Oh if it were only that simple! Unfortunately, you can't do that in today's society because there are CRAZY people out there! Anyway, whatever mom and dad did, I really feel like they did a great job of instilling that desire in me to help others. I hope I can give the same thing to my children, and I worry that sometimes I am not headed in the right direction.
Lastly, this morning I awoke to BREAKING NEWS from London. I began to panic that something had really gone wrong. Was it a bomb? Terrorism? No, Prince William got engaged! Are you kidding me, people? THAT is breaking news? Yes, Princess Di seemed to be a wonderful person and her kids are great, but REALLY? I do not think that an engaged couple, who have EVERYTHING in the world, could or should be BREAKING NEWS. I am serious when I say that's definitely one thing wrong with our society. We put emphasis on the absolute wrong things in life. Then again, I guess I am guilty of that myself, but I can't get on tv and influence millions of others with it.
Ok, okay...the rant is over! Parker seems to be stirring, and I am tutoring this afternoon--yay! Remember...looking for ways to make a difference so bring 'em! I can't wait to hear your suggestions!
The Backyardigans table is about to make its trip downstairs to the basement. I do not want to sell it because it was/is a big part of Gracen's childhood, but she no longer uses it, and it's taking up space in my house! I tried to explain to Gracen today, that if she wanted Santa to bring her new toys, we'd have to get rid of some old ones. I'm not sure how I expected this to go over, but it didn't go over well. She took one look at the empty space and said, "I don't have any toys!" Brat. Just kidding, but I was disappointed that not even a small part of her "got it". Although, I will say later, that I heard her mumbling something to herself about giving toys to other kids. I want my kids to grow up, knowing that they are fortunate and trying to help those that are not.
Every holiday season, while working at St. John's, I made it a special point to get my students involved with the nursing home or raising money for our needy family through helping hands. This year, I feel lost. I really want to do something meaningful with my children (particularly Gracen), but I'm not sure what. Teaching was kind of my "vehicle" to do things such as that, but I'm not sure how to go about it this year. Any ideas would be helpful.
I would like to do something hands on...soup kitchen, wrapping toys, etc. It's too simple to take money and purchase toys and then dump them in the Marine Corp. Toys for Tots bin. I can't imagine what would happen if every one in America (heck, the world) would promise to do one kind deed this holiday season...something that required their time and maybe even their money too. I've been so busy making lists and checking them twice; going downstairs to count how many presents each kid has from Santa so far. We obviously know that this isn't what Christmas is all about, but it easily becomes that every year. My mom and dad raised me in such a way that I understand and have always understood that there are those less fortunate, and I want to reach out to them. I remember when I was younger, thinking how "cool" it would be to adopt a needy family for Christmas. Like, for real, take them in...let them spend Christmas with us, buy them gifts, etc. I'm even sure that I proposed it to my parents. Oh if it were only that simple! Unfortunately, you can't do that in today's society because there are CRAZY people out there! Anyway, whatever mom and dad did, I really feel like they did a great job of instilling that desire in me to help others. I hope I can give the same thing to my children, and I worry that sometimes I am not headed in the right direction.
Lastly, this morning I awoke to BREAKING NEWS from London. I began to panic that something had really gone wrong. Was it a bomb? Terrorism? No, Prince William got engaged! Are you kidding me, people? THAT is breaking news? Yes, Princess Di seemed to be a wonderful person and her kids are great, but REALLY? I do not think that an engaged couple, who have EVERYTHING in the world, could or should be BREAKING NEWS. I am serious when I say that's definitely one thing wrong with our society. We put emphasis on the absolute wrong things in life. Then again, I guess I am guilty of that myself, but I can't get on tv and influence millions of others with it.
Ok, okay...the rant is over! Parker seems to be stirring, and I am tutoring this afternoon--yay! Remember...looking for ways to make a difference so bring 'em! I can't wait to hear your suggestions!
Monday, November 15, 2010
"My a baby duckling."
Meet Gracen. She greets me several times a day as a new creature/character. This morning she was a baby duckling. Other days she might be a kitten, baby puppy (yes, BABY puppy), baby elephant, or even Pirate Pablo (which leaves me being Pirate Uniqua---Backyardigans). My personal favorite was the other day when I was Mr. Lopart and she was Fluffy (Handy Manny).
Gracen will be 3 on December 28th. I can hardly believe it. Even though I wanted to get pregnant right away once married, Gracen wasn't exactly planned. I was so excited when I found out I was pregnant...and then when we found out it was a girl! I always say that God knew I had to wait so long to get married and have babies that he blessed me right away with two healthy and beautiful children.
I went into labor on the 27th of December with Gracen and arrived at the hospital at 7:45 pm. She was born at 4:37 am the next morning, weighing 7 pounds, 9 ounces and 20 1/2 inches long. I wouldn't say my labor was painful at all. I did puke repeatedly and my blood pressure dropped very low, but I would do it all over again and did, with Parker (although his was a LITTLE easier in some ways). I remember how badly I wanted that little girl to come BEFORE Christmas so I could dress her up and take her out. She had her own ideas though...and has ever since.
When Gracen was younger, she screamed so badly that her dr. diagnosed her with acid reflux (who isn't these days). We even took her for an upper GI---nothing. Oh yeah, we took her to UMD too. They upped her zantac but that was all. I remember nights of rocking in the chair with her, crying...both of us. She finally grew out of it about the age of 6 months or so, but she never took good naps. Actually, she slept through the night from age 3 months on, but good naps would not come until she was over a year old when I could start giving her one a day. She didn't walk until 16 months and didn't talk until Parker was born----so almost 2 1/2. I guess she figured she needed to step it up a bit. Now, at 34 months, she is a thriving, almost 3 year old. Disspelling all the fears I had about her from early on---her colic to her delayed rate in accomplishing "kid" goals. Looking back on it, I don't think there was anything wrong with her except that she was a gassy baby with a disagreeable personality--haha. I love her just the same of course, but feel like an idiot---first time parents---geesh!
Gracen is 34 months and an absolute joy. She is much like her mother---overly dramatic with strong convictions, little room for error, and sometimes anxiety ridden. But she is passionate about things, and I am trying to teach her to gear them toward the "right" things. She is a bit "scaredy," and Lord knows I don't want her growing up like me....afraid of my own shadow. I am doing my best to expose her to a variety of things and "make" her ride them out to show her that it's okay to be afraid but some things are just pretend. She is still a HUGE fan of the Backyardigans and LOVES to sing and dance, which she gets from her Grandma Bean (Stephen's mom). In addition, she is definitely her Poppy's granddaughter (my dad) as she loves any type of gadgets and tools (power drills, tape measures, etc.). She loves to see how things work and move. She is very sweet and likes to pray at night and talk about Jesus and Mary (particularly BABY Jesus). It amazes me how she can remember the words and rhythm and melody to any song within a matter of minutes of listening to it. In addition, she can count, say her ABCs, recognize letters and some shapes, all of her colors AND spell her name. Gracen LOVES to cook and bake with her daddy too. She is a sweet big sister...although a bit bossy sometimes!
Gracen never ceases to amaze me with the hilarious things that come out of her mouth. Some of them are:
Gracen will be 3 on December 28th. I can hardly believe it. Even though I wanted to get pregnant right away once married, Gracen wasn't exactly planned. I was so excited when I found out I was pregnant...and then when we found out it was a girl! I always say that God knew I had to wait so long to get married and have babies that he blessed me right away with two healthy and beautiful children.
I went into labor on the 27th of December with Gracen and arrived at the hospital at 7:45 pm. She was born at 4:37 am the next morning, weighing 7 pounds, 9 ounces and 20 1/2 inches long. I wouldn't say my labor was painful at all. I did puke repeatedly and my blood pressure dropped very low, but I would do it all over again and did, with Parker (although his was a LITTLE easier in some ways). I remember how badly I wanted that little girl to come BEFORE Christmas so I could dress her up and take her out. She had her own ideas though...and has ever since.
When Gracen was younger, she screamed so badly that her dr. diagnosed her with acid reflux (who isn't these days). We even took her for an upper GI---nothing. Oh yeah, we took her to UMD too. They upped her zantac but that was all. I remember nights of rocking in the chair with her, crying...both of us. She finally grew out of it about the age of 6 months or so, but she never took good naps. Actually, she slept through the night from age 3 months on, but good naps would not come until she was over a year old when I could start giving her one a day. She didn't walk until 16 months and didn't talk until Parker was born----so almost 2 1/2. I guess she figured she needed to step it up a bit. Now, at 34 months, she is a thriving, almost 3 year old. Disspelling all the fears I had about her from early on---her colic to her delayed rate in accomplishing "kid" goals. Looking back on it, I don't think there was anything wrong with her except that she was a gassy baby with a disagreeable personality--haha. I love her just the same of course, but feel like an idiot---first time parents---geesh!
Gracen is 34 months and an absolute joy. She is much like her mother---overly dramatic with strong convictions, little room for error, and sometimes anxiety ridden. But she is passionate about things, and I am trying to teach her to gear them toward the "right" things. She is a bit "scaredy," and Lord knows I don't want her growing up like me....afraid of my own shadow. I am doing my best to expose her to a variety of things and "make" her ride them out to show her that it's okay to be afraid but some things are just pretend. She is still a HUGE fan of the Backyardigans and LOVES to sing and dance, which she gets from her Grandma Bean (Stephen's mom). In addition, she is definitely her Poppy's granddaughter (my dad) as she loves any type of gadgets and tools (power drills, tape measures, etc.). She loves to see how things work and move. She is very sweet and likes to pray at night and talk about Jesus and Mary (particularly BABY Jesus). It amazes me how she can remember the words and rhythm and melody to any song within a matter of minutes of listening to it. In addition, she can count, say her ABCs, recognize letters and some shapes, all of her colors AND spell her name. Gracen LOVES to cook and bake with her daddy too. She is a sweet big sister...although a bit bossy sometimes!
Gracen never ceases to amaze me with the hilarious things that come out of her mouth. Some of them are:
- "That's a GREAT idea, Mommy!"
- "Hmmm, wet's (let's) see." She does this with finger to chin---just like her Grandma Bean.
- "Mom, you order that for me, please." (How does she know about ordering?)
- In response to a question, I love when she says, "Ummmmmmmm, nope."
- I'm also loving the new one, "Ohhhh, maybe not."
- Everything nowadays is, "Mom, Santa bring me that?"---Santa must be a millionaire.
- "Mom, can we go to Auntdonald's and get vuggets and fries." I'm a bad mom. She likes to go to MCDonalds and get nuggets and fries. I think she calls it Auntdonald's because she has an Aunt Donna. haha
- The other day in the car she asked if she could get a robot at Target. I told her not today but Santa might bring it. She told me with great certainty, "No, Grammy get it for me." She knows how to work the system already.
- "Oh crap." I know it's not funny, but to hear her say it is.
- "Sowwy, Mom."
- "It's ok, Mom. It's just an accent (accident)." This is normally in reference to not making it to the potty in time.
- When she gets upset, it's "Oh my, oh dear, oh GOSH."
- I love to hear her say, "What's da matter, Mommy?"
- "It's ok, Park. Hold my hand." This is normally after she scares him in some sort of way.
- My personal favorite lately is, "What you think it's going to be, Mommy?" That's in response to me telling her that the Backyardigans are coming on.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
You've lost that loving feeling...
I'm trying with all my might to get back that warm and cozy feeling I used to get 'round this time of year. I remember, people at school would get so mad with me as they would walk by my classroom in the morning and hear Christmas music in mid-October. I was always getting in trouble for decorating too early or for not adhering to the fact that I had to at least wait for Advent to start. Nope, not me. I loved the Christmas season so much that I couldn't wait for that first cool morning so I could pop in my Josh Groban CD and sing away. Not this year.
Now, I can't say that I'm totally dreading the holiday season or not the least bit into it because I would be lying. I have had small moments of joy here and there as I have done my Santa shopping for the kids or like on Thursday when I did outlet shopping with the family. It's just really bothering me that I don't have that wonderful feeling that I normally get. I'm too sad. Everytime I get a glimmer of happiness, it is crushed by the great sadness of dad not being here. I'm not sad for me. I'm sad for my kids. He will miss Gracen's 3rd Christmas, and he never got to see Parker's first.
One of the things I've struggled with the most over the past few weeks is my inability to get back to my religion again. I really feel like one of the main reasons I was meant to step down from my job this year is that there would be no way I could go into a classroom and teach religion with my whole heart into it. I would welcome any input here as I have no idea why or what I'm feeling. I still believe in everything my Catholic religion teaches me. Do I believe in Jesus and Mary...the Holy Trinity...that he died on the cross? Yes. And I'm not outwardly upset with the Divine at all. I'm not angry (my brother on the other hand...yes). It's just that, well, for instance: I bought Gracen the Wiggles Christmas DVD. I love how it really incorporates songs like Silent Night and Away in a Manger into it to teach about the true meaning of Christmas. I LOVE these songs, and yet, when I heard them the other day...they didn't mean anything to me like they used to. I feel awful for saying that, but it was almost like I didn't want to hear them. I wanted to block them out or something. Just like when I go to pray at night. I just don't want to. The minute I open up my mind and mouth to talk to God, something shuts me off. It's a very weird feeling. I guess I almost feel a little betrayed or something. I don't know. I don't want to put my trust back into something/someone that I feel has really let me down. It's like a friendship that has gone bad. And then I go back, and I think, Shannon, you aren't that special. People lose loved ones every day but don't lose their faith. I guess it goes back to my mom and how much she has dedicated her life to Christ and serving him. You'd have to read her books to fully understand, but if my mom couldn't get a miracle for us, then who can get a miracle? How is that chosen? I'm just so hurt, and yes, I am angry...not a rage kind of angry, but I'm angry. And lately I've been feeling guilty for not going to church. I have not set foot in a church since my dad's funeral. Why am I feeling guilty? I don't know. That's my only answer to anything. And yet, I know that if God forbid, one of my children were to be ill or sick then I would be begging God for mercy, and I HATE hypocrits. Just like I'm sure we'll go to church on Christmas Eve/Day, and I don't want to be one of those holiday Catholics that I cringe just looking at. But I'm just not ready. I hope that one day I will be again. I don't want to do a disservice to my children. They need to be in church and raised in a Christ-like environment.
So, if you are reading this....pray for me please. I cannot pray for myself.
On another note, I have decided to seriously look for a part-time job. Things are too tight around here and it's really stressful on everyone. My husband works 7 days a week and "extras" cause fights. I need to get out anyway, put on some make-up, and make some money. In addition, I'm hoping it'll take my mind off things. Missing dad + no job and no money = one unhappy and depressed momma!
Now, I can't say that I'm totally dreading the holiday season or not the least bit into it because I would be lying. I have had small moments of joy here and there as I have done my Santa shopping for the kids or like on Thursday when I did outlet shopping with the family. It's just really bothering me that I don't have that wonderful feeling that I normally get. I'm too sad. Everytime I get a glimmer of happiness, it is crushed by the great sadness of dad not being here. I'm not sad for me. I'm sad for my kids. He will miss Gracen's 3rd Christmas, and he never got to see Parker's first.
One of the things I've struggled with the most over the past few weeks is my inability to get back to my religion again. I really feel like one of the main reasons I was meant to step down from my job this year is that there would be no way I could go into a classroom and teach religion with my whole heart into it. I would welcome any input here as I have no idea why or what I'm feeling. I still believe in everything my Catholic religion teaches me. Do I believe in Jesus and Mary...the Holy Trinity...that he died on the cross? Yes. And I'm not outwardly upset with the Divine at all. I'm not angry (my brother on the other hand...yes). It's just that, well, for instance: I bought Gracen the Wiggles Christmas DVD. I love how it really incorporates songs like Silent Night and Away in a Manger into it to teach about the true meaning of Christmas. I LOVE these songs, and yet, when I heard them the other day...they didn't mean anything to me like they used to. I feel awful for saying that, but it was almost like I didn't want to hear them. I wanted to block them out or something. Just like when I go to pray at night. I just don't want to. The minute I open up my mind and mouth to talk to God, something shuts me off. It's a very weird feeling. I guess I almost feel a little betrayed or something. I don't know. I don't want to put my trust back into something/someone that I feel has really let me down. It's like a friendship that has gone bad. And then I go back, and I think, Shannon, you aren't that special. People lose loved ones every day but don't lose their faith. I guess it goes back to my mom and how much she has dedicated her life to Christ and serving him. You'd have to read her books to fully understand, but if my mom couldn't get a miracle for us, then who can get a miracle? How is that chosen? I'm just so hurt, and yes, I am angry...not a rage kind of angry, but I'm angry. And lately I've been feeling guilty for not going to church. I have not set foot in a church since my dad's funeral. Why am I feeling guilty? I don't know. That's my only answer to anything. And yet, I know that if God forbid, one of my children were to be ill or sick then I would be begging God for mercy, and I HATE hypocrits. Just like I'm sure we'll go to church on Christmas Eve/Day, and I don't want to be one of those holiday Catholics that I cringe just looking at. But I'm just not ready. I hope that one day I will be again. I don't want to do a disservice to my children. They need to be in church and raised in a Christ-like environment.
So, if you are reading this....pray for me please. I cannot pray for myself.
On another note, I have decided to seriously look for a part-time job. Things are too tight around here and it's really stressful on everyone. My husband works 7 days a week and "extras" cause fights. I need to get out anyway, put on some make-up, and make some money. In addition, I'm hoping it'll take my mind off things. Missing dad + no job and no money = one unhappy and depressed momma!
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Happy Veteran's Day
To all soldiers....past, present, and future (my brother, cousin, grandfather, and uncles included)...
Between the crosses row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.
We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.
Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.
THANK YOU
In Flanders Fields
By: Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae, MD (1872-1918)
Canadian Army
In Flanders Fields the poppies blow By: Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae, MD (1872-1918)
Canadian Army
Between the crosses row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.
We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.
Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JAMIE NOVAK!
LOVE YOU!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Well, she doesn't steal it.
Gracen had another major anxiety meltdown today, and it's beginning to worry me a little. Her emotions are so out of control that once she starts, it's hard to get her to stop. Now, I will say that this time change has completely thrown her for a loop. She was awake at ten minutes to six this morning and by the time the meltdown happened, it was nearly 2 o'clock. She was clearly overtired. Mom bought her an adorable Rudolph mechanical thingy from True Value that she said Gracen loved and hugged all over in the store (hence why she bought it for her). When they got back to my house, mom took it out of the box, and my kid went crazy. I have to admit, the fact that it was in a couple of pieces and you literally had to put Rudolph's head on, was a little freaky, but this kid was over the top. I find that she often acts like this around my mother and grandmother (who was also present), but whatever it was or why she did it...once she started, she couldn't stop. When she finally did fall asleep around 2:30, she woke up 30 minutes later in the same panic. It took me another 45 minutes to get her to calm down. In the meantime, she woke Parker up by screaming and crying. And well...that obviously didn't make me very happy.
I find it hard to have patience with her when she acts like this, BUT, I was the same exact way when I was younger. I would cry and scream and shake uncontrollably. I hated mannequins, clowns, you name it. I always wondered if maybe mom hadn't coddled me so much if I would've been less afraid of my own shadow growing up. I want Gracen to feel loved and protected, but I do not want her growing up like me----scared of everything. I don't understand why I'm not more compassionate when she acts like that. Growing up with that uncontrollable anxiety and fear is the worst feeling ever, and I wouldn't wish it on my enemy. Now, as she sleeps so sweetly in her bed, I want to bring her into mine and hold her all night. She fell asleep in my arms tonight in the rocking chair....just like she did when she was little.
I'm going outlet shopping tomorrow, and she is staying with grandma and Parker is staying with his favorite aunt. Does it sound silly that I'm feeling a little upset about leaving my kids for a day? REALLY? Snap out of it, Shannon! It must be the night. I'll feel differently tomorrow. I cannot wait to hit up the outlets with my mom and friend Julie and my family. I really need the retail therapy.
Well, it's off to bed now...checking on my babies first. Nite all :).
I find it hard to have patience with her when she acts like this, BUT, I was the same exact way when I was younger. I would cry and scream and shake uncontrollably. I hated mannequins, clowns, you name it. I always wondered if maybe mom hadn't coddled me so much if I would've been less afraid of my own shadow growing up. I want Gracen to feel loved and protected, but I do not want her growing up like me----scared of everything. I don't understand why I'm not more compassionate when she acts like that. Growing up with that uncontrollable anxiety and fear is the worst feeling ever, and I wouldn't wish it on my enemy. Now, as she sleeps so sweetly in her bed, I want to bring her into mine and hold her all night. She fell asleep in my arms tonight in the rocking chair....just like she did when she was little.
I'm going outlet shopping tomorrow, and she is staying with grandma and Parker is staying with his favorite aunt. Does it sound silly that I'm feeling a little upset about leaving my kids for a day? REALLY? Snap out of it, Shannon! It must be the night. I'll feel differently tomorrow. I cannot wait to hit up the outlets with my mom and friend Julie and my family. I really need the retail therapy.
Well, it's off to bed now...checking on my babies first. Nite all :).
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Sooooooo sleepy...
Well, I'm exhausted and going to bed with a smile on my face. Great day..nothing out of the ordinary...things just worked out. Took my two babies to Target this morning with my AWESOME Chicco double stroller. If you need a double stroller, this is well worth the money. The kids were AWESOME, and I only spent $89.00...completely unheard of!
The rest of the day went quickly, and I began my first tutoring gig this evening which I am SO excited about. Came home and Stephen fixed me an awesome sandwich. My babies played, the MIL stopped by and then my brother brought over our new dresser that Mom purchased for us. I LOVE it, and it makes me feel like I have a "real" bedroom. I am still waiting on the nightstand which my poor brother dropped off at Mom's house, thinking it was hers.
Missing dad a lot tonight as my brother talks about the "hogs" this weekend. If you are reading this and don't get it, don't worry about it. If you are reading this and do get it, then you are obviously family or close friends. Still sad for my brother...he seems so hurt all the time.
Anyway...boring blog, I know! I'm just exhausted and going to bed VERY soon. My kids still have not adjusted to the time change, and I'm sure they'll be up at o' dark thirty tomorrow, but maybe not. I can hope, right? I will have something super duper interesting to talk about tomorrow. Promise! Nite all.
The rest of the day went quickly, and I began my first tutoring gig this evening which I am SO excited about. Came home and Stephen fixed me an awesome sandwich. My babies played, the MIL stopped by and then my brother brought over our new dresser that Mom purchased for us. I LOVE it, and it makes me feel like I have a "real" bedroom. I am still waiting on the nightstand which my poor brother dropped off at Mom's house, thinking it was hers.
Missing dad a lot tonight as my brother talks about the "hogs" this weekend. If you are reading this and don't get it, don't worry about it. If you are reading this and do get it, then you are obviously family or close friends. Still sad for my brother...he seems so hurt all the time.
Anyway...boring blog, I know! I'm just exhausted and going to bed VERY soon. My kids still have not adjusted to the time change, and I'm sure they'll be up at o' dark thirty tomorrow, but maybe not. I can hope, right? I will have something super duper interesting to talk about tomorrow. Promise! Nite all.
I asked him....and he did!
Last night before I went to bed, I asked Dad to meet me in my dreams....and he did!
Well, we were at a house....somewhere on vacation. Mom, me, and Stephen were getting snacks at a little shop before we went out on a boat on the ocean. We left out on the boat, but we left without dad! The next thing I knew it was getting ready to storm, and we were all worried that dad had died (for some reason). We finally got back to the shore and there he was, sitting on a bench...almost asleep. The Dad I saw was a younger dad...the dad I remember from being about 5....thinner in face and frame, longer hair and big porkchop sideburns. EXACTLY how I remember him at that age and exactly how he looks in pictures. Dad never spoke during this dream but I remember all of us going to a family gathering. It was then that I realized that my dad's family was there...his sisters, brother, mom and dad and all the in-laws. We were all hugging each other and crying that dad was alive. My dream then flashed over to my dad...picking up Gracen. I didn't even know I HAD Gracen in this dream because I felt much younger. But my dad picked her up and swung her around and hugged her close and tight for a long time. Brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it because it was so beautiful.
So as I woke up this morning, before I opened my eyes, I tried to cling hard to the dream that I had so I could remember the details and share them. I wonder if it's difficult for dad to make it from Heaven to my dreams at night? Does he have to ask some sort of permission or wait in line since I'm sure other people are asking the same thing? I wonder if he chose to appear to me as younger Dad so I would have good and lasting memories. The ones I've had lately are far from good---of an older Dad...worn down and sick. I'm finding it hard to remember him as he was...full of life and love. I also wonder about what I think is symbolic in my dream....You know, like thinking he is dead but he is actually very alive. What about his lack of words? Or the fact that we were going on a journey without him and he was staying behind? I will forever remember the way he picked up Gracen and held her close. I hope he did the same thing as she slept last night. I only wish I could see the same thing with Samuel Parker. In time I guess.
I chose to blog this for many reasons. 1. I don't want to forget it. 2. I wanted to share it with my family and friends. 3. I wanted to let people know that your loved ones can reach you from beyond...and not in a spooky way either.
Well, it's time for me to go....I know have a 2 year old who has promptly parked herself right in my lap. High ho, high ho, it's off to Target we go this morning.
Have a great day everyone!
Well, we were at a house....somewhere on vacation. Mom, me, and Stephen were getting snacks at a little shop before we went out on a boat on the ocean. We left out on the boat, but we left without dad! The next thing I knew it was getting ready to storm, and we were all worried that dad had died (for some reason). We finally got back to the shore and there he was, sitting on a bench...almost asleep. The Dad I saw was a younger dad...the dad I remember from being about 5....thinner in face and frame, longer hair and big porkchop sideburns. EXACTLY how I remember him at that age and exactly how he looks in pictures. Dad never spoke during this dream but I remember all of us going to a family gathering. It was then that I realized that my dad's family was there...his sisters, brother, mom and dad and all the in-laws. We were all hugging each other and crying that dad was alive. My dream then flashed over to my dad...picking up Gracen. I didn't even know I HAD Gracen in this dream because I felt much younger. But my dad picked her up and swung her around and hugged her close and tight for a long time. Brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it because it was so beautiful.
So as I woke up this morning, before I opened my eyes, I tried to cling hard to the dream that I had so I could remember the details and share them. I wonder if it's difficult for dad to make it from Heaven to my dreams at night? Does he have to ask some sort of permission or wait in line since I'm sure other people are asking the same thing? I wonder if he chose to appear to me as younger Dad so I would have good and lasting memories. The ones I've had lately are far from good---of an older Dad...worn down and sick. I'm finding it hard to remember him as he was...full of life and love. I also wonder about what I think is symbolic in my dream....You know, like thinking he is dead but he is actually very alive. What about his lack of words? Or the fact that we were going on a journey without him and he was staying behind? I will forever remember the way he picked up Gracen and held her close. I hope he did the same thing as she slept last night. I only wish I could see the same thing with Samuel Parker. In time I guess.
I chose to blog this for many reasons. 1. I don't want to forget it. 2. I wanted to share it with my family and friends. 3. I wanted to let people know that your loved ones can reach you from beyond...and not in a spooky way either.
Well, it's time for me to go....I know have a 2 year old who has promptly parked herself right in my lap. High ho, high ho, it's off to Target we go this morning.
Have a great day everyone!
Monday, November 8, 2010
STOP THE MADNESS---UPDATE!
Well, it's 2:38 pm and both of my kids are sound asleep. The day has gone well. No meltdowns from Gracen and Parker took a two hour morning nap (which rarely happens). I was able to organize some clothing (summer stuff), Stephen brought me a McDonald's sweet tea this morning and pancakes for Gracen, and lunch went very well for all. I'm not sure what it is, but it didn't seem as chaotic today. I think some of it had to do with the fact that I took a shower early this morning while Stephen was still here. That was a great idea as I was able to take my time AND have the door closed. The kids did wake up at 6 due to the lovely time change, but I took it in stride. I know they'll get back to their normal schedule. In fact, Parker went back to sleep from 7-7:30 so when he woke up again it was kind of like his normal time to wake up. I'm hoping they can get back on track this evening and into tomorrow. The house is in a bit of disarray but nothing I can't quickly pick up. I did all my major cleaning yesterday with the scrubbing of the kitchen and bathrooms. I did the vacumming today and will do some dusting later this evening. Ah, perk of living in a smaller house. All of the space in this house gets used constantly, but it's so small that even though I have to clean it CONSTANTLY, it's not that bad.
The only real issue today that's bothering me is money woes as normal. A conversation with the hubby today brought up some issues, which I hope to discuss in a calm and rational matter with him this evening. I just need a job, and I need a job like yesterday.
So the kids are asleep, and I'm going to take a small nap with them since all my cleaning has been done. I feel like such a louse when I say I'm going to take a nap. When I say that I know people think the life of a stay-at-home mom is so wonderful. I can hear it now, "I wish I could take a nap!" Well, you know, I wouldn't mind trading sometimes. I love time with my babies, but the grass "ain't always greener on the other side."
The only real issue today that's bothering me is money woes as normal. A conversation with the hubby today brought up some issues, which I hope to discuss in a calm and rational matter with him this evening. I just need a job, and I need a job like yesterday.
So the kids are asleep, and I'm going to take a small nap with them since all my cleaning has been done. I feel like such a louse when I say I'm going to take a nap. When I say that I know people think the life of a stay-at-home mom is so wonderful. I can hear it now, "I wish I could take a nap!" Well, you know, I wouldn't mind trading sometimes. I love time with my babies, but the grass "ain't always greener on the other side."
STOP THE MADNESS!
I woke up this morning with a new resolve---get out of this funk! You know, what good is the funk doing me? No good at all! SO, starting today, I'm putting on my nice shoes and happy face. It's November right? The thankful month? This has always been my favorite time of year. I'm already preparing for Christmas. I'm so sad about Dad, but what's done is done, and I can choose to live with the dead or enjoy the living. Dad, you know I love you and will never forget you. It'll be very hard without you this year...well, any year. BUT, I know you want me to be happy....for me and my family. So, everytime I feel negative today, I'm going to immediately put a positive spin on things....with my husband, my kids, and the world. I'm anxious to see how it affects all of us.
I'll try to update periodically throughout the day. Join me, would you?! Let's see what a difference it makes in all of us today! ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE!
I'll try to update periodically throughout the day. Join me, would you?! Let's see what a difference it makes in all of us today! ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE!
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Wow.
That's pretty much all I have to say after today. Have you ever had those days that make you want to crawl in bed next to your babies while they are sleeping and just hug them forever? I have been the most awful person today. I've yelled at my husband, my mother, and my kids. And I'm not saying some of it wasn't warranted, but wow, when I look back.....
I guess it all started with the lovely time change. Guess it'll be a good week before my kids get back on track with sleeping. Then it was my ever mindful knowledge of dad being gone and that constant thought about how really FINAL death is. I mean, I'll never see my dad again (in this life anyway)...and that could be 5 years or 50 years....there is nothing to bring him back. Then, neither child took a good nap today...oh wait, I mean ANY nap today. And really, looking back it was my fault. My kids are very routined oriented and cannot stray off course. BUT, I wanted to attend a family event and Stephen was working on the boat so I had no choice but to take them. Well, they both fell asleep in the car on the way home for a whopping 15 minutes, and that would've been great, but the transfer from car to bed was completely unsuccessful....thus leaving my children, cranky and walking around in their sleep until about 8:30 when they finally went to bed. And here's the best part....I think I reprimanded Gracen a majority of the night and even let Parker cry in his crib! Ugggghhh, I feel like poo. Then my husband was gracious enough to bring home and cook....hard crabs! Of course, I yelled at him too for one reason or another (once again---some was justified). I don't know. Just been an blah day. Hormones I tell ya! Well, blogging makes me feel better.
Off to dreamland I am. Hoping tomorrow brings a better day....
I guess it all started with the lovely time change. Guess it'll be a good week before my kids get back on track with sleeping. Then it was my ever mindful knowledge of dad being gone and that constant thought about how really FINAL death is. I mean, I'll never see my dad again (in this life anyway)...and that could be 5 years or 50 years....there is nothing to bring him back. Then, neither child took a good nap today...oh wait, I mean ANY nap today. And really, looking back it was my fault. My kids are very routined oriented and cannot stray off course. BUT, I wanted to attend a family event and Stephen was working on the boat so I had no choice but to take them. Well, they both fell asleep in the car on the way home for a whopping 15 minutes, and that would've been great, but the transfer from car to bed was completely unsuccessful....thus leaving my children, cranky and walking around in their sleep until about 8:30 when they finally went to bed. And here's the best part....I think I reprimanded Gracen a majority of the night and even let Parker cry in his crib! Ugggghhh, I feel like poo. Then my husband was gracious enough to bring home and cook....hard crabs! Of course, I yelled at him too for one reason or another (once again---some was justified). I don't know. Just been an blah day. Hormones I tell ya! Well, blogging makes me feel better.
Off to dreamland I am. Hoping tomorrow brings a better day....
A can't miss show! And....HAPPY BIRTHDAY AUNT DONNA!
The Wiggles! Yes, you heard me correctly. I will pay money over and over again to see them. Cheezy...maybe a little, but honestly...very funny and extremely talented. We had a great time rocking out to them yesterday at 1st Mariner Arena. Well, eventually we did. Once Gracen was able to get out of her seat, stand up, and dance, she totally calmed down and was shaking their hands by the end. Murray, Anthony, Sam, and Jeff might get paid a lot, but they surely earn their money. They are non-stop dancing, singing, performing tricks and acrobatics and they are constantly in the audience...shaking hands and reading signs and taking pictures. I was very impressed by these 40 and 50 somethings.
So what in the world am I going to do with my almost 3 year old? Take her to any event like that and she immediately starts into a frenzy of shaking uncontrollably and crying. I can only feel sorry for her for about 15 minutes and then my patience runs thin....very thin. Yesterday was no exception. She comes by it honestly too, poor thing. I've been in her shoes. And that's just the thing...I don't want her to end up like me! Afraid of my own shadow. I've tried everything...talking to her, reasoning with her, bribing her, punishing her...everything! Nothing works and we are left with everyone staring at us. Cam and Kristen surely aren't going to want to join us anymore! Everything was fine when they were singing...she was in a trance, but the minute they stopped, she started again! I just don't know what to do. I want to be able to take her to things like this and have fun with her.
About 20-30 minutes into the show, Kristen and I realized that all the other kids were up and dancing around in the aisles and such. Normally, arenas don't allow this for fear of a fire or other people not being able to see, etc., but they totally did yesterday. We let the kids get down and dance around and play, and Gracen turned into a different kid. Suddenly, she wasn't afraid anymore. I came to the conclusion that it was something about sitting in the seat, feeling like she was "trapped" that made her wig out. She wasn't afraid of any of the Wiggles, Dorothy, Wags, Henry, etc. She apparently didn't like the feeling of being in the dark (and it was loud) with no control of her own. Wow, wish we had stood up from the beginning! By the end, I was able to make my way to the front with her on my shoulders where she shook hands with Murray! Seriously, best show thus far....even for mom who was able to laugh and act silly and forget her troubles for 2 hours.
So, like said...find a Wiggles show near you and GO!!!!!!
Check at my pics on fb.....
So what in the world am I going to do with my almost 3 year old? Take her to any event like that and she immediately starts into a frenzy of shaking uncontrollably and crying. I can only feel sorry for her for about 15 minutes and then my patience runs thin....very thin. Yesterday was no exception. She comes by it honestly too, poor thing. I've been in her shoes. And that's just the thing...I don't want her to end up like me! Afraid of my own shadow. I've tried everything...talking to her, reasoning with her, bribing her, punishing her...everything! Nothing works and we are left with everyone staring at us. Cam and Kristen surely aren't going to want to join us anymore! Everything was fine when they were singing...she was in a trance, but the minute they stopped, she started again! I just don't know what to do. I want to be able to take her to things like this and have fun with her.
About 20-30 minutes into the show, Kristen and I realized that all the other kids were up and dancing around in the aisles and such. Normally, arenas don't allow this for fear of a fire or other people not being able to see, etc., but they totally did yesterday. We let the kids get down and dance around and play, and Gracen turned into a different kid. Suddenly, she wasn't afraid anymore. I came to the conclusion that it was something about sitting in the seat, feeling like she was "trapped" that made her wig out. She wasn't afraid of any of the Wiggles, Dorothy, Wags, Henry, etc. She apparently didn't like the feeling of being in the dark (and it was loud) with no control of her own. Wow, wish we had stood up from the beginning! By the end, I was able to make my way to the front with her on my shoulders where she shook hands with Murray! Seriously, best show thus far....even for mom who was able to laugh and act silly and forget her troubles for 2 hours.
So, like said...find a Wiggles show near you and GO!!!!!!
Check at my pics on fb.....
Cam and Gracen glued to the show!
Happy Birthday to my Aunt Donna!
The kids miss you, and we can't wait to see you in NYC! We hope you have a great day!
Happy Birthday to my Aunt Donna!
The kids miss you, and we can't wait to see you in NYC! We hope you have a great day!
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