Well, it's been a long time since I've "blogged". Quite honestly, I really didn't feel like I had much of anything to blog about, and I'm not even sure I do now. I've been under a rock for about a week. Holidays have me kind of down...and it's not even all about dad.
Anyway, I'm sure that I'm not much different than many people when I say that the holidays have me down. So, what is it about this wonderful time of year that brings on depression, anxiety, and stress. I highly doubt that when Christ came into this world as a tiny baby that he wanted this much anxiety to ring throughout the world every year on the celebration of his birth. Does that make sense? Then again, we don't really know if his birthday was December 25th, but that's an entirely different story.
So, during this season, we go out of our way to buy the perfect gifts, find the perfect charity, and see the many Santas. And yet, the 25th comes and goes and we are left with this horribly empty feeling. Where did Christmas go? Wait, where was it to begin with?
Every December 26th, I swear that NEXT YEAR I will do things differently. I will savor every day from Thanksgiving until Christmas. I will do every special thing I can with my children. I will teach them them the true meaning of Christmas. I will volunteer at a shelter or kitchen....buying toys is great, but it's so easy to shell out the money. What are you really doing? This year has proven to be even more challenging...with dad being gone. I find myself thinking about how this time last year, we didn't have a clue what was to become of our family. Will this time next year bring anything like that? I hope not, but tomorrow is not a guarantee...unfortunately. And there isn't any way to prepare for such a thing, but it is constantly on my mind.
I am not saying that this entire season has been a complete let down...because it hasn't. I have had highs and lows. I have been overly excited about my latest Santa purchase, taking the kids to Bubbie Knotts, and then the thought of our upcoming NYC excursion...a week from tomorrow. And BTW, can I say I'm not looking THAT forward to going. Something just stops me in my tracks the minute I think about it....not sure what that is though.
So, I have two weeks left to make this season COUNT. Gracen and I do our Advent calendar every day. We talk a lot about the baby Jesus being born and she loves her Little People Nativity set. Of course, she is equally as excited about Santa, but that's okay. The way I look at it....she has the rest of her life to live in the "real" world. I want her to enjoy the wonder and awe of Santa Claus and Christmas while she still can....and Parker too!
Perhaps, what makes us feel the most let down when Christmas is over, is that the "joy" stops. The giving stops. The awe and wonderment stops. And the question is, "Why does it stop?" And even more importantly....."What can we do so it doesn't stop?" There is no rule saying that this is the only time of year that we can give, that we can surprise people, that we can celebrate. I'm sure all of you have heard, "Every day should be like Christmas." And really, I'm thinking the person that coined that phrase was right on target.
So, here are my ideas for making this holiday season COUNT.
1. I will be overly patient with my children....and trust me....that isn't always easy.
2. I will be overly patient with my spouse and family.....and trust me (well you know the rest).
3. The packages have been mailed to St. Jude but I will do my best to find another way to give of myself this season.
4. I will make contact with a friend I haven't talked to in a while.
5. I will be a regular at church (the minute my husband gets off the boat). My church-going has been slacking lately...well, more than lately. I've been working some stuff out since dad died, but I hate being a hypocrit. I don't want to be a twice a year Catholic. Honestly, I would've gone sooner, but the thought of taking my two children to church by myself is less than appealing. I would have them dressed and there on time....only to leave at the gospel, sweating profusely and needing another shower.
Those are just some of MY ideas but feel free to chime in. I'm fresh out.
On another note, I have an interview on Monday for a part time job. I pretty much have it if I want, but I'm not sure if I can even take it. I don't have a baby-sitter for both days, and I don't want to send my kids to a daycare center. I will still tutor and use the money from that to pay a baby-sitter and then hopefully keep some from the part-time work. Like I said, that's IF I can do it. I'm not getting a whole lot of support, which is very frustrating. I wish I could go into detail, but I can't. I just have to believe that things will work themselves out!
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