So long, 2010!

I'm having very mixed emotions about beginning 2011.  My first thoughts about leaving 2010 were "Good riddance."  Except for the birth of Samuel Parker, the middle and end of 2010 pretty much stunk for my family and me.  The more I think about it though, the more I think that maybe I shouldn't be so quick to lock 2010 away somewhere, never to think of  it again.

It's true that 2010 was the year that my dad became really ill and died of cancer in two months.  But it's just as true to say that 2010 was the last year I ever had with my dad as well, which makes it pretty bittersweet.  From December until July 15th, I got to watch Gracen and her Poppy grow closer than they had ever been.  Gracen was getting older and interacting like a little adult instead of a toddler.  I will always fondly remember pulling into my parents' driveway and seeing the garage door open.  My dad would no doubt be perched on one of those old bar stool chairs, watching some ridiculous old movie....which more than likely starred Clint Eastwood or Steven Seagal.  The minute he saw my van, he would immediately get up and head over to Gracen's side to get her out.  His catch phrase everytime..."Who is this coming to my house?"  I thoroughly miss that high pitch tone he had to it.  I will cherish and miss the times when the two of them would disappear for hours on the gator....often visiting Mom Mom and Pop Pop's or the Jennings' house where Gracen actually got a pretty good boo boo on her chin with Dad.  He felt so bad about it.  The scar just went away a couple of months ago, and I was sad to see it go. 

2010 was also the year I was able to name my little boy after my dad.  Samuel Parker was born on March 22, 2010.  I remember just wanting to name him after dad so badly for some reason (haunting when I look back on it).  My husband even suggested that maybe we shouldn't have done it and let my brother do it instead.  Wow, I'm so glad we did that now.

I spent my last birthday with my dad in 2010, my last Easter....the first one where Gracen really knew how to hunt for eggs, and I have dad on film helping her every step of the way. 

There is obviously no way that on 1/1/10, I would've thought I would be writing this blog.  There is nothing in life that can prepare you for such a tragedy....all you can do is learn from it and try to move on. 

The cards I have in my hand right now are not even close to the ones I want....but who's to say you can't be dealt a new hand?  You never play an entire game of anything forever or with the same hand, right?  This year is about making my own luck...my own success.  It's going to be about making myself happy and my family happy.  I am not a fan of resolutions and don't really keep them so I rarely ever make them.  I truly want to make 2011 different though so here are my thoughts.  I'm going to write them down as a "gentle" reminder that I need to KEEP them.

1. As a person who sometimes stresses herself to the point of being anxiety ridden and wanting to rock back and forth in the corner, I vow this year to take a couple extra deep breaths.  I am going to do my best to NOT sweat the small stuff.  It doesn't get me any where.
2. This entire family has taken an extra deep dive into the realm of unhappiness lately, and I desperately want to change that.  And if I want to change that, the change needs to start with me and then hopefully others will follow suit.  I am going to make every effort I can to be SUPER nice to my husband every single day and "allow" him to do some things that he really enjoys....a.k.a FISHING.  A miserable husband doesn't make for a great marriage. I am going to try to say thank you more and let him know how much I appreciate him as well.
3. Even though I am currently only tutoring twice a week, my goal is to take on at least 2 more kids in the new year.  In addition, I plan to SAVE some money and spend less of it.  It's an ambitious thought, I know....but I have to try!  I also want to continue my search for a job as a medical transcriptionist and land one soon into the new year....I'm thinking part-time as of right now.
4. I used to be a nicer, more generous person, and I miss that.  2011 is the year that we bring back the "old Shannon".....the "Heal the World" Shannon.  I need to clean up my potty mouth too.
5. Lastly, here's a pretty mundane and overused resolution....I would like to lose a bit of weight and keep it off.  I need to stop eating so much crap...for lack of a better word. 

So, while I don't think you need a new year to have a new beginning, I do enjoy a clean slate.  Who doesn't?  Join me in this New Year's quest!  What are your ideas for 2011?