"If I had a million dollars"....I'd still work.

A year ago, if you had asked me, "Would you stop working if you won the lottery?"....I'd most definitely say yes.  As of today, I would say NO WAY!   

Let me first start out by saying, I love my kids.  There is nothing more true and more pure than the love you have for your child.  There is nothing greater.  I have enjoyed the last 6 months or so being home with my babies.  They have brought me so much joy and happiness.....but now....it's time for a change! 

I didn't realize the impact leaving work (teaching) would have on me when I left back in September.  Part of me was apprehensive, but the other part of me was definitely ready for a break.  I realize I had all summer as a break, but beginning July 16th, every other day of my summer was spent traveling to Georgetown and back to be with my dad.  EVERY day was spent on the phone with doctors, radiologists, therapists....anyone I could find that would help us out.  It was stressful....way stressful.  I miss dad, but I don't miss that.  Bickering back and forth with my family over where he could receive the best care and how he could receive it wasn't great either.  So in essence, I didn't really get a summer "vacation" like I would've every other year.  When the middle to the end of August came, and I had to make a decision about work, a small sense of relief came over me to step down.  I was tired, and I need a "break".  I knew it would be stressful and hard financially, but I really never imagined just how hard or how stressful life would become.

I most definitely believe that everything major in life probably happens for a reason.  Part of me really believes that there was a higher hand in the reason why I didn't go back to teaching this year.  I don't have any idea why, and at this point in the game I'm a little upset as to why I haven't figured it out, but nonetheless it happened and here I am.  As I'm sitting here typing this, I'm feeling pretty down.  I never knew how much I would miss being in that classroom....despite all the problems that could arise from time to time.  You know, someone made the comment to me the other day that all I did was complain and complain about that job.  I guess they might be right, but then I would have to ask, "Who doesn't complain about their job?"  Honestly, if and WHEN I go back, I'll probably have some more complaining to do.  It doesn't mean I don't love it.  I complain about my husband too----but it doesn't mean I don't love him. lol

I went for an interview today for a part time job.  It is for your, run of the mill, filing, faxing, answering phones, etc. job for a doctor's office.  10 years ago, I did the same type of work while I was in school.  As I sat in that office today, waiting for my interview, I realized that it's not where I belong.  I belong back in the classroom.  And while I would gladly take this job and do it well and happily (if I could find a baby-sitter), in the end it would leave me feeling empty inside.  I miss teaching.  I miss my co-workers.  I miss changing lives and shaping minds as corny as that sounds.  I had a visit from an old co-worker today (we are still buddies), and it was the best 30 minutes of my day....probably the best 30 minutes of my week!  The only problem is that when she left, I felt the void....and I felt it big time.  I miss being able to talk to her as a friend AND co-worker.  Though she keeps me in the loop, it's not nearly the same.  My conversation about Gracen's and Parker's latest accomplishment doesn't seem to fit the conversation.  This isn't to say that it's not important...it just doesn't fit.  St. John's is moving into their big, beautiful school within the next couple of weeks, and I would love to be a part of that more than anything...and I'm not----well, at least not this year.  I have high hopes for the future. 

So........I understand now why people who win the lottery go back to work.  I totally get it, and if I had a million dollars (BNL), I would do the same thing.  There are many people that don't feel that way, and that's okay.  In fact, there are many people who think I shouldn't feel that way.....and it's not really okay with me, but it is what it is, and I need to just put on my big girl panties and deal with it.

And lastly, and totally unrelated, I haven't had a pedicure since two days before my father was buried so we are talking about 3 months now.  Yes, you may go ahead and say ewwwwwwwww or throw  up in your mouth a little.  I don't blame ya!  But within the next couple of weeks, Christmas shopping done or not.....I'm getting a pedicure.  I am going to feel like a woman again....well, I'll settle for human.  And after Christmas I may even take some tutoring money and spring for highlights that haven't been done since July.  I hate how dark my hair gets in the winter.

So lesson learned, my friends.  Next time you stop to think about what you would do as a Lottery winner, you might want to think again.