Gracen turned 3 in December. Last week we started sleep training.
Confused? Apparently so were we.
Being our first child, Gracen was rocked to sleep for every nap time and every bed time. Of course, I can't take total blame for this as my mother and grandmother couldn't stand to have her cry it out in her crib while I was at work. Truth be told: I couldn't let her cry it out myself when I was here with her. Gracen was a colicky mess for the first 6 months of her life. After 6 months she was bearable and some would even say pleasant, but she was never a good sleeper. Eh hem, I should say that she was never a good napper. She basically slept through the night from 3 months on but she should've....her naps never totaled more than 60-90 minutes during the day. In fact, she never really took decent naps until she turned almost 2, when we moved her from two naps to only one nap a day. Even now, with her going to bed a little before 9, she is up and at 'em by 7 or 7:30 the next morning. Heck, sometimes she'll even surprise you with 6:30! EEEEEK!
So, as I was saying. I used to lay down with Gracen for every nap and every bedtime. Then I had Parker. And guess what, I STILL did it. Parker was the one taking the backseat. He was the second child who had to learn how to soothe himself while the first child got the golden pass. This was almost working out until Gracen decided that now at bedtime, she wanted one more story. Or.....she wanted to say more prayers. Or....she wanted one more lullaby. This started going on every night and became so bad that at times it was taking me up to 45 minutes to get her to bed! Meanwhile, if it was nighttime, Stephen was struggling with Parker who was waiting for ME to put him down (Insert EEEEEK here again).
I began dreading bedtime when it should've be my favorite time. So, one day I just decided it had to end, and it did.
Much to the dismay of a few people, I began letting Gracen cry it out. I kept telling myself, "When she is old enough to understand..." I would sweetly tell her that she was a big girl, there was nothing to be afraid of and that she would have to go to bed.....without me. Believe it or not, it hasn't been so bad. She's definitely had her crying fits, but they are more like whining fits. I make sure I check under the bed for her and in the closet when she says, "Something's coming!" I hug her repeatedly when she cries so dramatically, "Mommy, get me outta here!" BUT, I don't give in. It's getting easier now because she realizes that I will not give in. Even when she so sweetly looks up at me and says, "Mom, do you want to way (lay) with me?".....it breaks my heart, but I can't do it.
As a child, I slept with my mom for a long time and my dad had the couch for a LONG time. I don't want Gracen to be like me. I do not want her to be afraid of her own shadow. I've lived like that a majority of my life, and it's not a fun way to live. It's miserable, and I don't want that for her. I'm trying to break that mold...no matter how sad it might be.
However, I have to admit that the whole reason I am writing this blog right now is because of what my grandmother and mom have told me repeatedly over the past few weeks of sleep training. One day, you're going to look back on this and wish she wanted you to lay with her again and hold her hand again.
....As I put Parker to bed tonight and walked past Gracen's room, I stopped for a minute. I gazed at the little blonde "helmet," with her body stretched across the bed, and I sighed. So many emotions flooded me at that point, and I wanted to cry because the love I feel for that little girl is so intense and so wonderful (Parker too of course). I have to confess that at that very moment, I wanted to crawl into bed with her so badly, scoop her up in my arms, and sing her to sleep. She is the sweetest and most beautiful little girl I have ever known. I have no idea what my life would be like without her, and I don't want to know. She amazes me every day with her innocence, beauty, and intelligence. I tell her every chance I get how proud I am of her and how much I love her, but my words will never be enough. I have not just one, but two enormous and wonderful blessings in my life. *sigh* ...Everyone in the world should be so lucky.
2 comments:
What a wonderful post!! I started sleep training The Babe early because I wanted her to be an independent little person...but every once in a while she will surprise me by pointing for one more book, or bringing her blanket to me for some cuddling. I don't know what I would do without her or Mr. Squiggles!!
WM
I completely agree with what you have said here. It IS very important, in my opinion, for children to learn the skill of self soothing and sleeping independently. While a bit dramatic, I will compare it to any skill....take reading for example. Reading is a skill we must all learn, even those of us who don't enjoy must learn how to do it. Wiping your own butt....however unpleasant it may seem, you must learn how to do on your own. Sleeping independently is just one of those things that may not seem like the most fun thing to do (for baby OR mommy) but it is a life skill we must all learn how to do....no matter how emotional it may be. I do find myself peering in at Owen some nights and wanting to go and snuggle up with him and read him a thousand books, etc.....but I know it's for the best that I sing his special song, read him his book, and say his one prayer with him and then leave and let him establish his own routines that help him get himself to sleep....it's my job to teach him to do these things....because if I won't help him learn, no one will! Now, if we could only move in to our own house so I can start sleep training Evan, that would be great! Way to go mommy! and, from my own experience, it does get better after a few months of sticking to it!
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