Before I lay me down to sleep....

I have purposely tried to avoid writing blogs like these lately.  No one wants to hear someone constantly whine about missing a loved one.  Just tonight though, I had to write.

I just finished about a 1/3 of Samuel Parker's birthday party invitations.  I can hardly believe that in 3 short weeks, I'll have a one year old. 

It's a cliche, but it absolutely amazes me how much things can change in one year.  This time, last year, we were just nestling into our new home, teaching at Holy Angels.  The snow had finally cleared and spring-like weather was rounding the corner---just as it is this year.  We were already into Lent, and I was thinking that on or around April 3rd, I'd give birth to my baby boy.  Little did I know that he would arrive just three weeks from tomorrow. 

As I was writing out Parker's party invitations, my Dad sat next to me the entire time.  I couldn't help but to be sad and shed a few tears, thinking about how he'll miss out on his namesake's first birthday.  I was able to see Dad with Gracen at that age, but Parker will never know his Poppy...and even though his Poppy can see him from Heaven, he'll never have a relationship with him.  There was something so special about the relationship between Dad and Gracen.  I can't even imagine how wonderful Dad and Parker's relationship would've been.  Unfortunately I'll never know. 

The past two weeks have brought a couple random days of warm weather and oh how it makes me miss my Dad.  He loved to be outside, and I long to pull up into my parents' driveway and see those garage doors open, with Dad sitting on his stool...watching T.V. and waiting to greet us.  I vividly remember strolling the kids down the road last year in early May.  I walked past Mom Mom's house to see my Dad and my Pop Pop both out in the garden. I just remember thinking how lucky I was to be able to witness that and how lucky my kids were to have that.  I always thought watching the two of them side by side was such a gift and that everyone should be so lucky.  It sounds kind of strange, but I feel like Dad will come back with the warm weather.  Somehow, 70 degree days will return and so will Dad.  He'll pull up in his big silver truck one day after work, just to check on the kids.  Oh how I wish it was that simple!

In a year that I would most certainly like to forget about, my little Samuel Parker has been a blessing for which there are no words.  Both of my children are blessings, but Sammy Parker---he even looks like Dad.  I have had so many people outside of my family (so they aren't bias) tell me how much Parker looks like my dad.  I just grin from ear to ear because I have to confess...I love hearing it.  Parker makes everyone smile with his two little bottom teeth and devilishly handsome little grin and chipmunk cheeks. 

When we celebrate Parker's birthday on March 22nd and then again with the family on March 26th, you won't be more than a thought away, Dad.  I know you'll be celebrating with us.