Mom's gettting a pool...

And it's bittersweet.

For years now, we have been bugging my mom (and dad) to put in a pool.  Every year, we have failed.  Dad swore up and down he would "never have another pool." They were too much work he said, and we never used it when we did have one (his other excuse).  And so, the announcement that Mom had decided to put in a pool has brought excitement and elation...but also a very bittersweet feeling.  Sitting at that pool this summer and staring over at Dad's garage, will be a painful reminder of his absence.  Basically, the only way we would've ever gotten one was "over his dead body" as he used to say.  Unfortunately now, that's true.

I had to pick up Mom this morning from the local mechanic.  She needed to get her oil changed so the kids and I headed out early and I gathered my clothes and stuff together so I could shower at her house. 

It sounds funny, but when I go into Mom's house, I still search for any "signs" of Dad.  Until recently, his shoes were still on the stairs in the garage.  They are gone now.  His clothes are no longer hanging in the closet.  I don't blame my mom for packing these things away. I know it must be painful to have them lying around. 

As I brought my things back into my old bedroom and bathroom in my parent's house, I closed the doors and turned on the water to let it get hot.  I pulled out 3 collages that were put together for my Dad's funeral.  The pictures of him are all so real and alive.  For seconds I still think that it's another ordinary day, and he's at work.  Then I remember.

I got into the bathroom and close the 3rd door (my bedroom was attached to the hallway bathroom, so in all there are 3 doors between it and my bedroom.  The door in between my bedroom and the bathroom has a full-length mirror attached to the bathroom side. I still remember my dad hanging it there for me.  For a split second, I see the "old" Shannon, and I suddenly feel ten years younger again.  The sound of my children are drowned out, and I feel like I'm getting ready to go to work or go out on a date again.  Crazy, but such a great feeling comes over me. 

I can still remember getting out of that same shower and getting ready for work, walking out in the kitchen and seeing Dad standing there----leaning up again the countertop---most likely eating a banana...haha.  In the same instance, I vividly remember stepping out of the shower and getting ready for an important date with Stephen, heading up to Mom Mom's house, heading out to get food on a Friday evening with Dad, or even going out to have my hair done the morning of my wedding.

I think there will always be comforts that you receive from the "house you grew up in".  I think I would give anything to curl up in that horribly hard mattress tonight, with the ceiling fan on, and sounds of the tv coming from the living room.  There really is, "No Place Like Home."