Mom's gettting a pool...

And it's bittersweet.

For years now, we have been bugging my mom (and dad) to put in a pool.  Every year, we have failed.  Dad swore up and down he would "never have another pool." They were too much work he said, and we never used it when we did have one (his other excuse).  And so, the announcement that Mom had decided to put in a pool has brought excitement and elation...but also a very bittersweet feeling.  Sitting at that pool this summer and staring over at Dad's garage, will be a painful reminder of his absence.  Basically, the only way we would've ever gotten one was "over his dead body" as he used to say.  Unfortunately now, that's true.

I had to pick up Mom this morning from the local mechanic.  She needed to get her oil changed so the kids and I headed out early and I gathered my clothes and stuff together so I could shower at her house. 

It sounds funny, but when I go into Mom's house, I still search for any "signs" of Dad.  Until recently, his shoes were still on the stairs in the garage.  They are gone now.  His clothes are no longer hanging in the closet.  I don't blame my mom for packing these things away. I know it must be painful to have them lying around. 

As I brought my things back into my old bedroom and bathroom in my parent's house, I closed the doors and turned on the water to let it get hot.  I pulled out 3 collages that were put together for my Dad's funeral.  The pictures of him are all so real and alive.  For seconds I still think that it's another ordinary day, and he's at work.  Then I remember.

I got into the bathroom and close the 3rd door (my bedroom was attached to the hallway bathroom, so in all there are 3 doors between it and my bedroom.  The door in between my bedroom and the bathroom has a full-length mirror attached to the bathroom side. I still remember my dad hanging it there for me.  For a split second, I see the "old" Shannon, and I suddenly feel ten years younger again.  The sound of my children are drowned out, and I feel like I'm getting ready to go to work or go out on a date again.  Crazy, but such a great feeling comes over me. 

I can still remember getting out of that same shower and getting ready for work, walking out in the kitchen and seeing Dad standing there----leaning up again the countertop---most likely eating a banana...haha.  In the same instance, I vividly remember stepping out of the shower and getting ready for an important date with Stephen, heading up to Mom Mom's house, heading out to get food on a Friday evening with Dad, or even going out to have my hair done the morning of my wedding.

I think there will always be comforts that you receive from the "house you grew up in".  I think I would give anything to curl up in that horribly hard mattress tonight, with the ceiling fan on, and sounds of the tv coming from the living room.  There really is, "No Place Like Home."

Sooooooo I'm pretty sure I have....

Seasonal Depression
and
Rage with my small living space

I've decided that I can no longer look at the weather forecast.  It's too depressing.  I see the pattern of SHOWERS, SHOWERS, MOSTLY CLOUDY, 58, 45, SHOWERS, SHOWERS. 

I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!  ENOUGH ALREADY!

I think if I had a 9-5 job, things would be very different.  Rain everyday?  Oh well, I'm stuck inside anyway.  However, the fact that I am now flanked by a 3 year old and 1 year old everyday certainly changes the equation.  They're going crazy, and I'm going crazy...and vice versa.  It's springtime right?  So why did it snow an inch on Sunday morning? 

In addition to being stuck inside with a 3 year old and 1 year old, I'm also stuck inside with tons of clutter.  Samuel Parker's 1st birthday party was a huge success, and I'm so very grateful for everyone that came and shared in his day. 

I just have no idea what to do with A) everything left over and B) all of the gifts! 

My living space is roughly 1100 square feet.  I don't have any room left. Everywhere I turn, there's a pile of this here or a pile of that over there.  I'm ready to being pitching things, but most of everything that is upstairs IS being used.  I'm ready to pull every strand of hair out of my head.  Even if I DO have some ideas of how to store things, the question is WHEN will I get the time to do it?  I certainly can't begin tossing toys with two children standing next to me. 

So, I'm reaching out in an effort to alleviate my frustration!  A) How are you dealing with the weather and B) Any ideas for producing extra space?

Happy Birthday, baby boy...

A year ago tonight, I was fast asleep in my bed.  Okay....probably not fast asleep as I was big and fat and uncomfortably pregnant with Samuel Parker!  I had no idea that in just a couple of short hours, I would wake up and think I had peed my pants....go back to sleep and wake up again....still thinking I had peed my pants a second time but deep down really knowing better.  We called my mother-in-law and off we went at 12:30 a.m. to St. Mary's Hospital.  There, the nurses confirmed that indeed it was not a case of a weak bladder, but rather my water had broken! 

At 9:37 a.m., March 22, 2010, we welcomed Samuel Parker Armsworthy into this world.  He was out within a push and a half.  I just remember thinking he was so tiny.  7 lb isn't really THAT tiny but he was such a little peanut!  I just remember looking at his wide little nose and thinking....."Man, he looks just like Dad!"

And a year later, that pretty much still stands true.  You'll be hell bent to find someone who DOESN'T say that he looks just like my dad or my brother.  And when you hear someone say that, you'll never get a bigger smile out of me.

I can't believe that I want to cry while sitting here writing this.  My little boy will be 1....ONE!  There is something so special about a Mommy and her little boy, and I never would've believed it until I had my son.  The best thing is that now he walks around saying, "Momma, momma."  Oh, talk about melting your heart! 

This year has been filled with the greatest sadness I have ever known....and the greatest happiness.  I find it hard to grasp the fact that my dad only got to see the first six months of Parker's life here on earth.  He missed Halloween...Christmas...his first birthday.  He was able to experience all of those things with Gracen and Gracen was able to experience them all with him.  I can't help but to think that Samuel Parker has been cheated out of one of the greatest blessings ever....getting to know his Poppy. 

And then I glance over at him....two little bottom teeth and a smile that would light up the room, and I think....I know that Dad lives on IN Samuel Parker.  I realize what a special thing it is that my little boy carries on the name of his grandfather AND great-grandfather.  I know that people smile when they see Sammy Parker because he reminds them of dad....he is gentle and approachable...and has a chuckle that would melt anyone's heart. 

Thank you, Samuel Parker Armsworthy, for being such a joyous, sweet, kind, loving, and handsome little boy.  You are loved soooooooooooo very much!

I think I'm becoming neurotic in my old age.

The images that have been coming out of Japan over the past few days are beyond horrifying and frightening and they are serving as quite the wake-up call to me in more ways than one. 

The first thing I keep thinking about are my children.  I can't imagine being in that situation (and I hope I never have to) and feeling the panic that the Japanese people felt that day....especially those with young children.  I would do anything to protect my babies and the thought of them in harms way or suffering in any way absolutely rips me to pieces.  What would I do?  How would I respond?  I would hope that God would grant me serenity and calmness to know what to do.  And then I begin thinking, "Well, how prepared am I?"  I look across the street at a wide open and beautiful field.  I am not surrounded by water, tall skyscrapers, or millions of people, and I am so thankful for that.  I do feel as though living out in the country makes me a tad safer and the thought of living in a close city terrifies me.  BUT, with the power plant not far from here, I've started thinking about what I can do and what I will start to do to make sure my family is as safe as possible in case of a catastrophe.  Here are some of my ideas...

1.  I need to be better about keeping my car at least half full of gas---extremely hard to do these days with the way gas prices are, but necessary nonetheless.  If something were to happen, God forbid, I'm sure I'd be hell bent to find a gas station that I could get in and out of quickly.

2.  I'm considering putting together a duffle bag of clothing with one pair of pjs and one pair of regular clothes for my children and me and Stephen as well.  I just bought a case of water at Target the other day, and I haven't taken it out of my car.  I think I'll keep it there actually.  In addition to clothes, I will probably pack a few small toys or familiar things that my kids can take with them.

3.  I had actually considered getting my entire family, passports.  Although, my husband is probably right in saying that if we ever need to flee this country then we may as well forget about it all.

4.  I'm really bad about keeping cash on me.  I normally ALWAYS use my debit card. Just like the gas stations though, ATMs and banks would probably be closed or not working more than likely.

5.  A long time ago, I started sleeping with three things beside me (not just the baby monitor); my car keys, my purse, and my cell phone (charging).  If I needed to make a run for it, for any reason, these 3 things are of the utmost importance.

6. Lastly, I need to have a plan.  Even though I cannot wait to go back to teaching, times like these make me thankful that I am at  home with my babies and know that they are with me a majority of the time.   Stephen of course is at work so it would probably be a good idea to formulate a play where I could meet him.  If he's at the shop, we can meet up at the house but he's normally not there so we need to think of a place where we could meet and take off. 

In addition, to all of this "disaster-preparedness" I've also been thinking even deeper.  You know, I've always been taught to believe that God doesn't MAKE things happen; He ALLOWS them to happen.  Then again, that would totally contradict the whole "destroying the world by flood" thing too.  Anyway, I'm not gloom and doom but I really do believe that events such as what has happened in Japan are a big wake-up call for all of us and perhaps even a nudge from the Big Man.  I do believe that natural disasters and events such as these are a result of sin in the world.  I'm not sure of the exact correlation but that is what I believe....and if I think about it hard enough, it scares me.  Honestly, I'm very thankful and more motivated now than ever to make sure I attend mass every weekend, stick to my sacraments, and live my life as a good person.  Will I have my days?  OF COURSE!  But, I'm going to try.  Especially during this season of Lent, I'm trying to readjust some things and change my life around a bit. 

So, let me apologize in advance if this blog was a bit Debbie Downer-ish to you, but it's been weighing on my mind.  Who knows?  Maybe it's been on yours too.

Happy Shrove Tuesday...

Or Fat Tuesday....or Mardi Gras....or whatever you celebrate.  As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.


Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent.  The beginning of all beginnings in my opinion.


I absolutely love Christmas time---even with my extreme confusion this year, I still loved it.  I love the tree, the warmth of cuddling with the kiddos, and the anticipation of the big day.  However, I'd have to say that the Lent and Easter season not only run a very close second, but might actually beat my love of the Advent/ Christmas season.  Yes, there I said it. 


To me, there is something so very "magical" about Lent and Easter.  It's probably cliche to say that it's like a "new beginning" because in essence, that truly IS what it's all about.  But there is just something about this time of year; the weather and the promise of spring coming and then the beautiful story of the ultimate sacrifice ---it just can't be touched. 


Lent is a new beginning because it's a time for reflection and change (Atheists would like to call this "New Year's").  We can look back on what we would like to "fix" in our lives and then have the perfect "excuse" to do it.  I'm not sure what I'm giving up for the next forty days or what I'm going to do, but I'm sure it'll come to me by tomorrow.  I need some quiet time for reflection, and well......you know quiet time around here doesn't come freely!  :)  Besides, if I boldly stated what my Lenten promises and sacrifices were then of course I would be boasting...and that's a no-no.


I can't write this blog without reflecting on my past Lents as a religion teacher at St. John's.  I am going to miss spending the next 40 days with the most awesome faculty and students ever.  I used to love working on Lenten projects and having special guests come visit our school during this time of year.  I would begin each religion class by reading from the little Lenten booklet  that the parish would provide.  It always had an interesting fact for the day, a Bible verse, and then an explanation of that Bible verse.  In addition, it would leave you with a little "thought" to ponder for the day.  This book always opened up such great discussions and really worked the minds of 9 and 10 year olds.  It was fabulous, and I cannot tell you how sad I will be to miss all of it this year.  I hope this will be the first and only year I ever have to miss it.  Oh...and Stations of the Cross....how could I forget that?  If you haven't been to Stations of the Cross in years (or at all), I strongly urge you to attend a few at St. John's.  They are normally held on Thursday afternoons during Lent (check the school website http://www.sjshollywood.org/).  There is nothing more refreshing and uplifting than remembering and celebrating the way of the cross with young children. 


I was very large and pregnant during Lent last year.  My dad was still alive and we had no idea of what was to come.  I've said it a thousand times, but things can change so dramatically in one year.  There is no better time than Lent to make a new beginning.  There is no better time to start over.  I still have many feelings over the passing of my dad.  I still close my eyes at night and see his immense suffering, and I cry over it.  I still wonder why it all had to end...I'd even be satisfied to know why it had to end THAT way.  But I've also realized that my bitterness and anger will not bring my father back.  If I truly believe that my Dad is in Heaven, then I have to believe there is a Heaven.  I have to believe that there is a greater and more wonderful being that governs that Heaven.  If I don't then I'm either a fool...or a hypocrit.  And who really wants to be that? I'm not totally healed....but I'm getting there.


We've all heard of the "30 Day Challenge"...it's going around everywhere, and it can be anything from a silly facebook photo game to a diet challenge.  So I say why not start the "40 Day Challenge"?  You in?